u/Thinking_Corvus

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Hey. Venting and wondering if it's common here or not.

So I'm an INTP man (25yo) with diagnosed ADHD + GAD and undiagnosed but probable OCD. And I finally caught on to a dating pattern that I have, whether in person or even online and whether serious or casual where in the past 10 years of my life, every girl or woman I got close with all had some sort of personality disorder and not a single one was simply just a condition like autistic or also ADHD or even a neurotypical for example.

From my first official girlfriend back in 2015-2016, she had lots of issues. Psychosis being one of the many in her cocktail. I had taken it upon myself to handle her mental state. To the point where I didn't know what to do anymore for her self harm so I did it to myself in turn so that she'd stop. (Typical naive teenage boyfriend love right there)

One girl who followed was lightly autistic and anxious but amazing. She was my best friend for many years even though she had additionally developed DID which I made a lot of effort to help her with including grounding techniques and making set schedules for her alters, time for the body to rest, etc. I tried to find ways to make them get along with each other. I even took and genuinely saw her 'little' alter like my own daughter.

My latest ex, just to mention some, isn't diagnosed but she's definitely something in the cluster B types.

And the most prominent in my pattern being; girls with BPD.

I just feel emotionally exhausted at this point. Absorbing all those issues for them over the years and being the one in the crossfire. I often tend to keep them around as FWBs depending on how it ended but it usually ends quite toxic there too.

It's to a point now where even my family can truthfully joke around that "Well, if she likes you then something's wrong with her!". And that's what made me finally realize it. I really do have a pattern of like 100% rate in the past 10 years.

And I just don't get it. All I've ever wanted since childhood was a real, simple life partner. Just one that I can make smile and laugh and share our hobbies with each other. I just want to take care of someone that chooses me the same way too.

Instead I only find the opposite side. I don't feel like I have 'bedroom personality' (psy-dom) leakage or anything unless I get intimate with someone so why am I only attracting the opposite kind?

Alas, I took a break from dating anyone new for like 6 months until the summer arrived. Reconnected with a girl I knew from highschool who had a crush on me our freshman year and whom I had taken as my prom date our senior year. I didn't realize that she had moved 8 hours away but she came by to hangout with me anyway for 3 days. Turned out she's BPD. So I took a break from dating anyone new for a year since then up to now where I decided to test the waters once more.

I just started trying my hand at online dating. My profile was simple: pics of me, stated my intent, what I wanted and some of my hobbies. No bedroom talk or advertising, nothing close to that.

Met a nice girl there the next day after I made my account. She lived 2 hours away from me but said that she wanted the same things as me. She matched my style and we had great chemistry even through text and when we met in real life so we quickly planned a date the following weekend where I drove to her. Though she seemed a little obsessed with me from the get-go in person but I find those quirks cute. I kept teasing and reassuring her over our 5 hour date which was escalating very quickly now that I think about it but all I saw was intent and chemistry. She spoke about how she'd love to come spend time with me in my city too, to be a part of my hobbies with me. It felt like fireworks.

Turns out she's another BPD and this time an alcoholic too. All that chemistry, intensity and future talking and she simply BPD split on me the next morning. And now I just want to give up. Don't get me wrong, she was great but just... obviously not in a position for long term intent.

I've always known what I wanted. My intent was always there. I just want someone where we can choose each other every single day even when we're old. I've always tried to make it work. But no matter where I go or what I try, I'm always with personality disorder types that just honestly say they want something serious for the long term but in reality; don't.

Why is this happening? Am I somehow attracting them? Are they subconsciously attracting me?