u/ThisUsernameIs_

I'm larping, it's actually corned beef. I need to get off the internet, cause I keep seeing so many tik toks of women just being evil towards their boyfriends. The prospect of being in a relationship with somebody who doesn't even like me all that much and just pretends to is terrifying, especially cause I'd be so susceptible to getting led on like that. The moment a woman would show me the slightest bit of affection, I'd be begging for more at her feet. I wish there was some drug I could take to remove all romantic feelings in my mind so I could focus on more important matters. Hedgehog's dilemma and such, Schopenhauer spoke on this.

I see no path in life where I am happy. I wouldn't even be mad about this if there was some way to die heroically or honourably, but those opportunities are rare in modern times. Maybe I'll pull a Travis Bickle and try to go out doing vigilante justice.

It's genuinely so over. I've resorted to caressing my face and hugging myself in the shower under the stream of warm water in a vain effort to simulate affection from a woman. Sometimes I wonder what about me makes me so invisible and unapproachable. When I've talked to my friends about how they got with their girlfriends, there was mutual interest between them, but the best I can get out of women is a face of disinterest tinged with disgust. I don't even have the balls to just go out and put up shots because everytime I think about doing it, I feel bad for imposing myself on somebody and forcing them to give me attention. It feels like everyday is just a countdown until I've finally had enough.

I genuinely am unsure if I'm capable of being perceived by women, let alone loved by one. I fumbled the only IOI I received in the past half decade and haven't received any interest from women since. Maybe this is God's punishment for failing to make something of that IOI. Maybe it's for the best that I don't receive interest from women either. Interacting with strangers makes my skin crawl and I despise living with other people. Maybe since I fucked up my only chance, I'm now God's lonely man. Curse my high inhib, maybe if I was dumb enough to not be self-conscious I'd be drowning in it.

Being a truecel has hardened my heart like God did to Pharaoh's in Exodus unfortunately. I wish I could bring myself to care nearly as much as he does, and as much as I should, but it's like asking a slave to feel bad for his master (Hegel reference). I just find it hard to be empathetic for those who have so much more than me. He's been in two committed relationships in the past three years, and I'm khhv and have had a single IOI in genuinely the past 6 or 7 years. At least it somewhat comforts me that I do the same to myself. Sometimes I'll be near tears thinking about how pathetic I am then I remember people are starving to death and realize I'm even more pathetic than I thought I was for feeling that way.

All the time on T*ktok I see bluepilled normoids saying that the only reason incels are incels is because they're misogynistic and have terrible personalities, as if misogynistic men with terrible personalities are never in relationships. I really wish normoids would quit talking on matters where they aren't willing to look at the bigger picture and leave incels alone.

The recent influx of submissive men larpers on the godforsaken platforms that are instagram and tiktok is pissing me off. Don't call your girl mommy if you wouldn't let her put you on a leash. Istg the same bastards would shudder at the thought of bondage or masochism.

I reread mangas I've already read, doomscroll, or "talk" to AI chatbots (talk is in massive air quotes). I need to buy IndiaMART pregab or something to lower inhib so I can actually bring myself to do social interaction. Maybe I just need to achieve gnosis so I can break out of the blind architects prison.

After watching the last two episodes of the show, the scenes where the characters' issues are correlated to their childhood trauma made me question my own issues with inadequacy and made me start to realize how stupid it is and that I should start to love myself. I've genuinely had this gnawing feeling that I'm not enough since probably about middle school, and I never really thought critically about it or tried to break it down, I always just accepted it at face value. I let this feeling control so much of my life, including my romantic life, obviously, considering where I'm posting this, but I never so much as questioned why I felt this. After watching the episodes I started to consider this feeling that I've had for well over half a decade and where it came from and I started to consider anything in my childhood that might've caused it. I came to remember the time I was in the hospital after my father had abused my mother and I remembered feeling like I should have defended her, despite only being 6 years old. And looking back, it definitely started there, and it was probably only made worse by my mother expecting academic perfection from me, despite me doing very well already. Even though she played it off as jokes, I think I internalized her demanding perfect results from me and it fed me this feeling that I'm not enough. As I grew up this feeling of inadequacy spread to all aspects of my life including romance, or the lack thereof. I've always been scared of being rejected and the feeling of inadequacy made me think that if I wasn't perfect then a rejection would be inevitable because I wasn't enough. But now, looking back after potentially tracing this issue back to the source, I can realize how fucking stupid it is to feel this way; I'm basically letting the anger I hold towards a six year old for not being willing or able to fight off a grown man ruin my life now. It's gonna be a long road to feeling like I am enough, but now that I can see how stupid I was for believing the opposite, I don't think it'll be all that hard.

Please compliment my quote selection 🙏. I had to think hard about which quote from the final two episodes would work best for this post. Thank you if you read my entire caption. We are all gonna make it bros ❤️! Sooner or later, we will all make it!

After watching it, I realized that I want to make a genuine change in my life and that trying to avoid the pain that is inherent to human connection will only lead me to more pain, which I kind of already knew, but didn't want to admit. I've been thinking about how to chat up some ladies, but I genuinely don't know what people my age really do. However, this recent stirring for human connection has made me realize that even if I did manage to get into a relationship, my insecurity would make it unhealthy and I'd be constantly worried about her leaving me for somebody who's better for her, somebody who deserves her attention and love more. Idk, I think it might just be over and when I look in the mirror I feel ashamed for existing in something as beautiful as the human body. 😝

I know they probably were laughing at whatever they were talking about, but for a moment I thought they were laughing at me, and it filled me with jealous resentment for couples. Probably the worst part is that I immediately imagined a scenario where they'd been up fucking all night and had gone on a walk for some fresh air afterwards. At least my night wasn't ruined because I bummed a cig off some guys and found 3 (!!!) on the ground (including this untouched one!!!). Anywho, whenever I think about why I'm so invisible to people, I get this feeling like I have a hole in my chest and wonder if there's just something unexplainable and intrinsically wrong with me and that other people can tell and are disgusted, but that I'll never be able to figure out. Also, the fit was hard asf and that moment really brought me down, even though I felt so good cause I really liked the fit.

This woman thinks I go out in the middle of the night to do drugs or something, when I only go out to go to the convenience store or a park near my house because I find it unbearable to be outside during the day. Even when I try to tell her that she's mistaken, she's so stubborn that she'd rather believe that I secretly smoke meth or whatever. I don't think she's completely transparent in her reasoning either though, because shes more lenient with my brother, even though he's a complete fuckup with no future. I think she just hates me because I look too much like my piece of a shit father. Long story short, if you were raised by a single mother and you look like your father, your life is set to nightmare difficulty for as long as your mother is in your life.

I used to think that I needed to rid myself of my insecurities, however I've realized that they're intrinsic to me, so I need to kill the person I am right now and make myself a new man.

I'm stuck living with my abusive, hoarder mother in her house filled with pointless junk and genuine garbage because I'm in college and would not be able to afford any other living situation. I could not in good conscience bring anybody over to the house, and I can't imagine how uncomfortable it would be being in a relationship where your partner won't let you go to their home. Dating apps have been no luck either because I struggle a lot with conversations with people I don't know. Even if I did manage to get something going on one, it'd be really difficult trying to avoid bringing up why they couldn't come to my place without telling them the truth. I'm working on improving my social skills, but it's slow and arduous. The only light in my darkness is the potential future when I finally can live on my own once I get a job and can finally make an effort. Ultimately, I may just be a larping fakecel who overthinks far too much and my issues with getting any play may just all be imagined. It may be over now, but soon enough, like the Phoenix rising from the ash, we'll be so back, cause we're all gonna make it bros :)

Sometimes I see a beautiful woman on instagram reels and I think to myself "waow"

It pains me sometimes to know that I'll never have a cute and intimate moment with a woman like sharing an umbrella because she forgot hers

Ps: if anybody has any music recs, please share

It's so hard to come to terms with the fact no woman will ever want me

Being nd and ltn is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I don't know whether I'd rather fantasize about sex or make myself cry by thinking about how much of a fucking loser I am, which seem to be the only two things my brain can do.