Finally broke the cycle
Finally ended things for good with her after 5 and a half years a few months ago. 5 and a half years of up and down hell. Been thinking a lot since then. What occured to me was this: I should have ended this years ago.
For me the cycle presented like this: she'd slowly fade out over months, by that I mean she'd slowly stop showing affection, she'd start over-prioritizing friends, she'd do that thing where she'd fill her schedule 7/7 and sometimes invite me as an afterthought and tell me that i didn't suggest any activity and basically act like we've been dating for 2 weeks when we had been together for years. I mean we live together do i really have to tell you each and every week that i'd like to spend the weekend with you?
Then when I finally had enough she'd leave, telling me she didn't know who she was anymore and needed to live alone to figure it out. Each time I didn't chase, let her look for an apartment etc and without exception she'd be back within a few days, telling me she was finally seeing it, that I was the love of her life, that i would be her priority from now on, sex life would come back to life, she'd even talk about marriage. Then within a few months she would be fading again. She did it maybe 5 or 6 times over 5 years.
Last time she moved out for real. Within 2 weeks she wanted me back. Wrote me a 10 pages novel about how she finally saw the light, even wrote me that she discovered she maybe was avoidant and had bought a book and wanted to go to therapy. I gave her a last chance like an idiot.
The book sat on her table at page 25 for months. She never went to therapy. As soon as winter was over she wanted to be everywhere with everyone and didn't give a second thought about me. Began to give me one worded answers when i talked to her. I wasn't having it this time. Told her it would never work and went no contact.
They never change unless they put in real effort. Writing a few sentences on paper and reflecting over 3 days is not real effort. Don't be like me, leave the first time they pull that shit on you. It will not get better. Respect yourself. Someone who really loves you will be intentional and not treat you as a second thought at best or an inconvenience at worst.
The only thing i didn't find out is why the fuck do they go out of their way to get in relationships if they hate every single aspect that comes with it?