u/Thisthingcalled_life

I’m 37 and just had a colonoscopy. My doctor identified a 2cm mass on my appendix pushing into my cecum. He believes it to be a NET. I will know for sure next week.

My issue is I just had two CT scans last week that didn’t identify a single thing. My first one was without contrast. I went to urgent care who sent me to the ER because they thought I had a kidney infection. All blood work perfectly normal and a clear CT except “moderate stool load”. Dr said to take a laxative at home.

I took a laxative at home and was in the most excruciating pain of my entire life. I could stand, was vomiting from the pain, nearing blacking out. My husband drove me straight back to the ER. After a completely clear CT scan with contrast this time, the doctor accused me of seeking pain meds.

Within minutes of leaving the ER, I began defecating straight blood, but instead of going back, I just called my gastroenterologist (I have celiac disease). The bleeding subsided by the time I got there and they set me up with an immediate colonoscopy, where they found the mass.

Have any of you ever had a mass completely missed by a CT with contrast? It wasn’t just that my appendix couldn’t be seen - this mass is physically pushing into my colon.

Have your METS been missed as well by CT? The only shred of hope I’m holding onto is that while they missed the initial mass, the chances of missing multiple masses is hopefully pretty low.

My husband is truly starting to feel like a roommate and I clearly need a way to communicate this better, so I'd appreciate any help.
We actually have a good relationship otherwise. We can have fun together, don't argue a ton, there's not a lot of nagging on either side. He's responsible and a great father. We can hangout, laugh, have a good time. We’re like really, really great friends.

But there is almost no passion on his end. I rarely feel desired by him. He takes zero initiative, from date nights to sex most times.
When we do have sex, it has started to feel extremely mechanical. I've been having trouble "finishing" and when I do, it leaves a lot to be desired. Our relationship/marriage definitely didn’t start out this way. We were like rabbits. I already know I have a much higher sex drive than him. I would love 5 times a week. It used to be that way. If I never initiated, I think we may have sex twice a month. Constantly having to initiate sex takes away any femininity I feel. And any emotional connection, to be honest. It’s such a turn off. So I back off, let him chase, and it really doesn't fix anything.

I plan every night date. If I didn't, we would never go anywhere. He shows zero desire to want to look nice when we go out. Just tells me to pick his clothes. He never compliments me when I get dressed up. I'm confident enough to know that I'm not "ugly" and when look especially nice. I get more compliments and attention (l would never act on it) when we go out from other men than I do my own husband. Doesn't faze him or change him at all.

I'm really starting to struggle with the lack of initiative, confidence, emotional communication, assertiveness, etc.

I take care of myself. I have a great job. I haven't let myself go, physically or otherwise. I have hobbies. I have a job in the legislative world, so the ambition is there.

I have already talked to him about all of this, but nothing seems to change. I've communicated that while outside the house I want to take on the world, at home I want him to be my rock and to curl up and be taken care of (to an extent. Just make some household decisions and then want to rip my clothes off in the bedroom).

He's not depressed. He's perfectly content in his world. I'm just not entirely sure he'd miss me if I wasn't in it. And it’s a really shitty feeling.

He's also not looking for more a traditional housewife. When I was pregnant and not working, it was somehow even worse in terms of how lonely I felt and how completely unmotivated he was with me.
He's not feminine himself. At all. He's your stereotypical workout, ride a tractor, drink a beer, and watch football all day when he's not working. But he's missing any kind of protective, provider, desire, or (a healthy dose of) jealously attribute.

I brought up maybe needing testosterone last night. Instead of having any kind of conversation about it, he just said it was “late” and that’s why he didn’t want to have sex. It wasn’t late and I had tried almost an hour before, but I wasn’t about to beg, so I let it go. Instead of trying to talk about it, he just said “ok let’s go. This is what you wanted, right?” and tried to have sex with me. I told him I wasn’t feeling it anymore and that’s not how intimacy is supposed to be. All he said was, “Well for the record, you just turned me down this time.” gave me a kiss and went to sleep.

It's such a strange mentality for me because I want to go out of my way for him. I want to look nice for him. I want to "take care" of him in bed. And I want a husband who finds me irresistible. I just want to take on the world by day and come home, hand him a drink, make him dinner, melt into his arms, and consentingly be thrown up against a wall.

What am I doing that’s contributing to this? What can I be doing differently?

TL;DR: I feel completely undesirable to my husband and I don’t know what else to do.