No idea if i should even attempt to "properly" transition
Hey y'all, first post here. I'm not the most social person nor is english my first language, so please excuse if what i write seems a bit blunt or used the wrong post flair or something.
I'm transfem and have known that for almost 7 years now, and thats the furthest i got into transitioning. The only change that realisation really made to my life was how my friends refer to me and that i now wear skirts, and that i now at least know.
Some of my trans friends often encourage me to try and get a diagnosis and stuff so i can gange my legal gender and name changed, get HRT, all that stuff. Even offering to help and guide me through the whole process.
But thing is, I don't even know whether or not that effort would be worth it for me specifically. I know that i won't ever like how i look, no matter how much HRT would change me, and i don't really care if people i don't care about (e.g. the government, strangers or pretty much anyone i don't consider a friend) misgender and deadname me. Somewhat connected to that is also that due to me not "properly" transitioning, the whole topic of romantic relationships goes out the window too, since i'd never see myself as someone "worthy" of being loved if i can't even put that much effort in for myself.
To me, HRT and the other stuff always just felt like things i feel like would be good for me if they, for a lack of a better term, just would happen to me, certainly couldn't hurt, and I'm happy for when others get to transition like they deserve to, but i just kinda don't feel like for me it would be worth the effort.
At least the current state of things i'm used to.
I've been on this mental roundabout for a while now and this is the first time i actually reach out for advice and opinions like this to anyone.