Boyfriend won’t move anything into our new place
My (27F) boyfriend (28M) won’t move anything into our new apartment.
For context, this is my boyfriend’s first time moving out of his parent’s house. We moved almost two weeks ago. We moved all of my stuff from my previous apartment to this new one. All the stuff in this apartment belongs to me.
He has been feeling a bit off lately so I have been asking him what’s wrong and if he is homesick. Slowly i started realizing how complicated things have been and we have not been arguing but we have been having quite a few serious conversations.
One of the days he told me he was home sick and his mom has been texting him “I miss you so much”, “it’s so lonely without you here”, “I have no one to talk to”, etc. It’s making him feel guilty. We ended up having a discussion because the reason why we are moving in is because we want to start a life together. I told him I was worried about how attached him and his mom are to each other. He told me he misses going to places with his mom and it was easier, like how she wakes him up in the morning or make sure he has food for lunch the next day. I told him I was worried about this and he pretty much told me his parents rely on him emotionally and that’s not going to change.
I cried a bit because I don’t think there’s enough room for me in this relationship. He told me he thinks it’s crazy that I would say this and that he has made sacrifices for me that makes him wonder who he is. Here’s the thing, I never asked him to. He told me there were events his mom was begging him to go and he said no because we usually hang out on those days. He told me he has done things he is not interested in with me because he felt obligated to. The thing is, I never asked him to. If he said no, I wouldn’t care. He did say it’s a him thing.
His mom relies on him emotionally and physically. We have been here for two weeks and i’ve seen his mom 4 times. Additionally, he’s going to stay at home this weekend. His mom is going to pick him up in the morning and take him back home (25 minutes away).
I asked him why he didn’t move his stuff here yet. He told me because of our last few discussions, he genuinely doesn’t know where we are and he’s worried that we won’t be here for long. I got upset and told him that this is setting us up for failure. He doesn’t even stay in this apartment if I am not in it. He has no hobbies in here. He’s paying for a larger portion of rent than I am and has nothing here besides his clothes. It just feels like he is sleeping over.
I’m just sick of his mom messaging him saying she misses him because it makes him feel guilty he left her. I’m sick of his sister who he confides in because she has the same trauma as him. At one point she straight up told him “yeah mom and dad need you back at home”. My brother and I are not close and my brother would never say that to me and I would never say that to him.
I’ve told my bf to seek therapy and I think it would help him understand his emotions. He told me he just talks to his mom and sister.
Idk, has anyone gone through this before and does anyone have any advice. I’m really struggling here and have cried at least 3 times just today.