My husband (27M) recorded me (27F) during our worst argument and refuses to delete it
My husband (27M) and I (27F) have been married for 1 year.
Our marriage has been rocky from the beginning. I quit my job to move to another province to be with him, only to later find out he had lied about his income. We struggled financially and even relied on his mom for help. During that time he’d regularly spend 8–12+ hours with his friends, sometimes not coming home until 3 or 4 a.m., while we barely spent quality time together because he had to work a second job.
Over the past year he’s called me a slut, a whore, and a “villager” because I’m from a small conservative town. He’s thrown things, broken mirrors and glass, and often dismisses my concerns by saying “you women.” He’s even told me he treats me this way because I’m “too nice” and need to stand up to him more. To be fair, he has made some effort by bringing me flowers, little gifts, and taking me out occasionally, but the major issues never really change.
Last week I finally reached my breaking point after telling him for what feels like the millionth time that I was hurt by how much time he spends with his friends. I’ve never asked him not to see them. I just want us to have quality time too. I initially did not want to communicate this to him as I knew it would lead to him getting defensive/aggresive, but he insisted.
He accused me of being controlling and said he’d had more fun with his exes and friends than he has ever had with me while laughing in my face. He also said “I’m going to send you back to your ***** village”.
I completely lost my temper and started throwing his clothes at him and told him to leave. While I was throwing his clothes at him, he pulled out his phone, started recording me while laughing, and kept saying, “This is the real you.”
I begged him to stop recording and tried to grab the phone. I accidentally ended up scratching him in the process because I had long false nails on.
I told him I wanted a divorce, and he left for a couple of days. When he came back, he reminded me that his work visa expires in three months and that he still hasn’t received permanent residency through our spousal sponsorship.
He said I needed to decide whether we were staying together so he could know whether to start packing. Part of me wondered if he was looking for reassurance that I’d keep sponsoring him, and part of me wondered if that’s the main reason he’s still here.
We both apologized for how things escalated. I admitted I was wrong for losing my temper. But when I asked him to delete the video and the photos he took of the scratches on his hand, he refused and said I should just trust him.
That’s what’s bothering me the most. If someone genuinely wants to move forward, why insist on keeping a video and photos from one of the worst moments of our marriage? I never once thought to record him during any of his own angry outbursts.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Am I overthinking this, or would you be concerned too? How would you interpret him refusing to delete them?