I want to be wrong
My boyfriend is Muslim and I am not. Going into this relationship 3 years ago knowing this, I wondered what the future would look like. It ended up transcribing into a lot of back and fourth.
At first I did not need to convert to Islam as long as I agreed our kids would be raised Muslim. Now I have to convert.
The bigger problem I’m facing is that I’m not sure my boyfriend even looks at me as an individual person. He expects to be obeyed, me be hospitable, and convert.
The bigger picture is that these were never things discussed when the relationship was getting serious. He finally cracked and laid out his honesty with me. He grew up programmed to believe he will find someone with the same views, marry and have a family. There was no emotionality involved. Fast forward to me- he fell in love for the first time ever. He never knew what love felt like nor did he think it was real. I grew up knowing love, care, affection, loyalty, compromise, etc. were the core foundational actions/feelings to have a successful marriage.
So now that we’re here, I’ve broken down and we’ve separated mostly because of our disagreements but also because I found out he was partaking in infedility while we were together.
Fun facts: I’ve never met 2/6 of his siblings (his eldest sisters) or his mother (father has passed), he holds me to a standard that he can not upkeep for himself (for ex. Partying, drinking, cheating), he has finally admitted he has never fully let me into his life because of his hesitancies regarding his religion (obviously our relationship is haram) and he says he “wants to feel like I will always listen, take Islam serious, etc.”
I’m kind of lost to be honest. Hypothetically speaking, if I met all of his “standards” I’m not sure he would ever stop the things that are deteriorating our relationship. Because of religion, he believes men and women are not equal and men are given unlimited forgiveness while women are not. To me, that sounds like he is allowed to live whatever type of life he’d like including lying, betrayal, etc. Which if this is the case, I cannot agree. I was not raised to allow a man a to get away with anything, to treat his wife as a caretaker, child birther and house maid. I was raised to know a marriage consists of compromise and two people doing what it takes to please the other.
I’ve tried to explain to him that his “religion” excuses are poor and his “culture” may be the real problem. I have learned enough to know that yes, Islam can be taken negatively but can also be appreciated and respected. Cultures are what tear apart the beauty in Islam and pick the things from the quaran to benefit (usually) the men.
At this point, I think I need to speak with a sheik to get the questions I have answered.