Diagnosis leads to breakup?
Really struggling this morning and would like insight from any who have been here (OCPD or loved one).
SO of 3.5 years (on/off) ended our relationship last night, following an incident in which I found out he lied and it caused some embarrassment in front of his family.
He was diagnosed with OCPD and depression in the last 2 months. After discussing the incident with his therapist at length, it sounds like it was a “wake up call” of sorts. His reasons for the breakup were these:
He wants to be able to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, without feeling a need to “ask permission” or feeling “judged” for his decisions. He mentioned he often feels judged or criticized or that I try to be his “manager,” and it makes him feel bad about himself, when he is already incredibly hard on himself inside. He said he felt the same way in his previous marriage. He acknowledged that maybe I am not judging him and it’s coming from inside of him. However, his desire for zero accountability is not the head space of someone who can be in a committed relationship.
He cannot stop lying to me about things large and small. This has been an ongoing issue for 2 years. I will find out he has lied, and it hurts me much more than knowing the truth. When I asked him why he is unable to stop, he told me he has convinced himself inside his own head that any drama or confrontation from telling the truth to me will be much worse than lying. He compared himself to a computer and said that he cannot change the “program” on which our relationship has been set to run.
He told me not to blame myself, that there is nothing I could have done better or differently, and that it’s not my fault he is “fucked up inside and wired wrong.” Obviously, I’m devastated, because I knew about his diagnoses and was willing to work with him on these issues.
For those who have loved someone with OCPD, or those who have it, does any of this sound familiar? Or does it sound like a different set of issues? Do you think he will circle back around once he works on himself? Or will this just be a huge relief to offload me?
I’m just beginning to learn about OCPD and would appreciate any insight.