u/ThrowRA_370675404

There's a girl in my class I can't stand- like your stereotypical conservative southern woman. (She's obsessed with looking pretty/ goes out of her way to comment on other people's bodies all the time...) Anyways, she's loudly homophobic and transphobic as well.

The other day, she was arguing that trans people "shouldn't ruin their bodies with something so permanent." BUT she has multiple lip fillers and always talks about wanting a breast augmentation. I asked how top surgery was any different than her getting breast surgery, and she got angry. To me, if you don't like the shape of your chest and want surgery to feel more comfortable in your body, you should have sympathy for trans people.

Then I got to thinking- isn't cis hormonal therapy/ surgery technically gender affirming care? I used to work at a men's testosterone clinic, and it seemed like the same concept. We mostly treated older cis men who wanted to maintain muscles, strength, and masculinity as they aged. Most men would light up after treatment/ feel more like themselves, which seems similar to what I've heard from trans guys on T.

I obviously know that's not the same thing as true gender dysphoria- but why is trans healthcare so hard for cis people to understand? Don't they feel dysphoric at times, too?

(Disclaimer- I'm a muscular and slightly masc-presenting cis woman, so I don't want to speak on behalf of trans folk. Just posing a hypothetical here!)

I am a queer woman, but kind of a baby gay. I've been dating women exclusively for the past year, but I still don't know the social norm for paying for dates. When I used to date men, it was never a question since they stereotypically pay anyway.

I look more like a tomboy (neither masc nor femme), and I have noticed a pattern where the "more masc" looking girl ends up paying regardless. I have gone out with plenty of femmes who expect me to pay, and mascs who just offer to pay anyway.

I feel like if I ask a girl out, I should pay for dinner. Or if a girl offers to pay for mine, I usually say "I'll pay next time!" or something. I never know the rules there and feel awkward when the check comes. Also, I have a good-paying job and really like paying if I can because it feels like the nice thing to do (Especially if I plan on seeing the girl again).

But my other lesbian/ queer friends say you should just split it on dates regardless. What is the correct answer?!

I've identified as bi for a few years now, but I recently realized I don't feel any sexual attraction towards men. I think guys are cute and I don't mind kissing them, but if anything further happens, I feel uncomfortable.

I've only had boyfriends in the past and a few flings with girls, but nothing serious. All of my ex-boyfriends were nice guys, but it just felt like a best friend I would kiss sometimes. I never wanted to sleep with them, though, and always felt guilty about it. With girls on the other hand, I have little experience but have more butterflies/ get shy around them. The concept of intimacy doesn't repulse me the way it does with men, though. I publicly say I'm bisexual because I do find men attractive, I just don't feel the same yearning I do around girls.

I exclusively date girls, basically, but I don't want to call myself "lesbian" because I don't want to exclude men completely. Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I could just fall for a guy, but I find it difficult. (And I mean "easier" family-wise- not for my own happiness level)

Is that what being a comphet lesbian means, or can I find men physically but not sexually attractive? Please help...

Ok, before I get into the details- I will add neither of these people are in my life anymore (Thank God)...

I officially came out in graduate school, but I am a femme/ straight-passing lesbian. My close friends know my sexuality, but it's not something I broadcast openly since I live in the south. Coming out was scary because I have a lot of close girl friends, and I was worried they might think I was into them (I'm not- prefer mascs, lol). Unfortunately, it turned into the exact opposite...

One girl (we'll call her Sara) was initially super supportive, and that meant everything to me. But then she started touching me CONSTANTLY once she knew I was gay. She would take every opportunity to stroke my arm, smack my butt, comment on my body, etc. And I would repeatedly tell her to stop... I felt like it was because of my sexuality since Sara doesn't act that way to any of our other friends. Anyways, she kept touching me like that for months, so eventually, I just told her we couldn't hang out anymore.

Then there is my friend Ashley- she was more of an acquaintance, so I didn't really intend to discuss my dating life with her. It just happened to come up in conversation once, though, and she started acting weird after. She would call me nicknames like "lesbo" and "butch," which really made me uncomfortable. She also liked asking invasive sexual questions about when I used to date men. And every time I was talking to a new girl, she would act pissed off about it. Once, I was over at her apartment, and she kept asking me about outfits/ what made her look attractive, etc. She never outright flirted with me, but the vibes were odd, so we slowly drifted apart.

Ashley and Sara literally had boyfriends when they treated me like that. If they were bi, or lesbian, or something, I totally would have supported them- but why did they have to act out their weird impulses on me? (Not to mention the cheating aspect, lol)

Now I'm in a new city and making more queer friends- it's very refreshing! However, now I have a new fear about telling straight people my orientation. I don't want to be judged or harassed anymore, so I don't know how to discern if someone is "safe" to tell. I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this kind of thing or if you have any insight!