Me [25NB] and my partner [25NB] stopped having sex, how do I address this?
When we started dating sex was fun and frequent, up to two times a day sometimes, although it was me who initiated most times they did too. I know this is typical honeymoon phase stuff. Then last fall or winter the sex dropped off drastically, we had evened out at around once a day / every other day, around then it dropped to once a week then two to three times a month. I am always the one who initiates.
Important to mention that they are on antidepressants which I am fully aware decreases your sex drive. They have been on SSRI's for our whole relationship, even on a higher dose when we started dating. This is a main reason for why I am even asking this question here at all. We have been dating for 3+ years now.
I feel disgusting and like I cant control myself because I always initiate, it feels like I'm pestering them. No major events happened around then, we had no fights and no things happening in our personal life, we didn't change appearances nothing really of note happened.
I have tried communicating with them about our intimacy, asking what they like and what I should do better, how I should "set the mood". I have made it clear that I would like to have more sex and that I feel disgusting for being the one that initiates every time; they said they are happy with how I initiate and that they didn't know what they wanted me to change, that I shouldn't feel bad. Personally, I think having more conversations about this would be akin to begging for more sex, because that is essentially what I am doing.
I have tried spicing things up and making intimacy more of an event; adding toys, bondage, changing positions, and we enjoy it when we do, but never stick with it. I do romantic stuff outside of when I want sex, like flowers, dinners, compliments etc. I try not to make sex a chore or something that I get for doing something nice. I tell them during sex and outside of it that I find them attractive.I tried doing this thing where I don't initiate sex to see if they would, they didn't. I broke on week three because I do still find them extremely attractive.
I have noticed recently that I'm glib or rude to them sometimes and I think its because this disappointment is bleeding out into my actions. This is most certainly a thing I must stop doing, but I don't mean it when it happens if that makes any sense.
I cant tell if its me who has a bad relationship to sex, sometimes it really feels like I cant control myself and all I can think about is that. To be clear I don't ever force them to do anything and no means no, I always make sure that they consent, but even when they say yes I feel like I pestered them into sex and they just said yes to get me off their back. This is another thing we talked about and they have made it clear that they are comfortable with saying no to me, its just an ick I have.
It feels super silly to be upset over this, especially when they have a very valid reason for a lower sex drive but I cant help it, its messing with my head. It feels weird to touch them on the thigh or be close to them, like they're more a friend than a partner and that I shouldn't think sexually about them. It feels like this part of our relationship is dying, and I value intimacy quite a lot.
Also I've been suspicious of them being unfaithful because of how suddenly sex went down, but that's just not a thing that would happen and I know that, Its just a thought that pops into my head more frequently than I would like.
Is there any angle of this that I missed, or anything else I can do? Maybe someone who has more experience with this side effect of SSRI's can come with some insights?
TL;DR Sex declined quickly with partner of 3+ years without any clear reason. I have tried doing the "normal things" to fix it, they haven't worked. What do?