u/Throwaway94038294

I want to be perfectly clear about this. I’m not saying activism in itself is bad. Far from it. There has been a lot of good activism. LGBT rights and living has improved since 10, 20, 30 years ago. It took a lot of hard work from both LGBT people and straight non-trans allies. Is it taboo here to call people cis? And there’s still a lot of work to do for say, getting trans people surgeries without costing hundreds of thousands of dollars out of pocket.

What I’m focused on is the bad activism, the kind that sets things back years. The kind where people go out there and flat out demand trans rights right now! The kind that calls people transphobic over the most minor of things or disagreements. The kind that takes serious problems and flattens them into black and white. There are plenty of hard questions (well easy for many) that need real answers. Like about trans women in women’s sports. Is there an unfair advantage or not? How much should gender identity matter? Should trans women be allowed in spaces like women's shelters? What makes "trans women are women" accurate, or not?

Like a very serious issue is J.K. Rowling and how she uses her massive riches to legally fight against transgender people. I do not have a good solution for this. Sure, you can boycott her, promote others to boycott her as well. And she might end up with somewhat less money if it all goes well. But will this make any noticeable difference? It’s not just directly her products either, I think she profits from people going to Universal Theme Parks. How reasonable would it be to encourage people to not go to those?

I might not know good solutions to this, but I know dropping cluster f bombs on people who buy Hogwarts Legacy or adult actors who are acting for the upcoming TV show are not good ways to handle things. People are far less likely to listen when they’re being insulted. I’m not saying activism has to only be nice. But surely calling everyone transphobic over a video game and such is not a good idea as that just reinforces negative stereotypes of trans people being mentally ill confused people. Sure, some people will always think that regardless, but it doesn’t need to be reinforced by so-called “allies” or bad actors.

I’m just so upset about all of this! Being trans is already the single hardest thing in my life, is mostly hated and misunderstood by people, and then I got the “good guys” fucking things up even more than they already are. Again, not all activisms, just the “activisms” who think yelling at people on Twitter is helping their movements. The same “activists” who also cry oppression the moment they get any pushback at all, who block and delete their accounts when challenged. Is like they think activism means everyone already instantly agrees with you on everything and that anyone who doesn’t are evil.

I know I should be far more angry at the actual transphobes. Difference is, they don't make trans activism look bad because they're not a part of it. We already know they're against transgender people, they absolutely do deserve to be called out, but it doesn't mean they're the only problems related to this whole thing.

As I say many, many times, my biological sex isn’t determined by what clothes I wear. I don’t care about the fucking clothes right now! I’m often told I’ll feel better wearing women’s clothes, that going outside dressed as a woman will get people to see me as one. Bullshit, I refuse to believe that! Even if I somehow managed to pass enough as a woman, the moment I speak out loud, my voice will make the opposite very clear. And to be clear, I’m not talking about safe spaces, I’m not counting those because that’s a given, it’s the rest of society. Going shopping, sitting down to eat, shit like that. I’m autistic, I don’t like drawing attention to myself and dressing up will absolutely do that. Yes, I know people generally don’t pay much attention to most other people. But I’m pretty sure trying to pass as female especially while wearing women’s clothes will look like I’m a man trying to look like a woman. Absolutely not!

And what if I need to use the restroom? Do I go into the men’s restroom and come off weird, ruining the whole point of passing as female, or go into the women’s restroom and not pass well enough and risk getting in massive trouble?

Women don’t look like women just because of clothes. Take away all a woman’s clothes, she still looks like a woman. Take away my clothes, very clearly biologically male. And it’s not like there isn’t plenty of women who wear more gender-neutral clothes, that doesn’t scream feminine or female.

I’ll tell you why simply putting on women’s clothes doesn’t make me feel any better. Women’s clothes tend to be form fitting and transparent, even if not all of them. They’ll just highlight how masculine my body shape is, even after 13 years of HRT. Maybe that has more to do with my weight. But anyway, wearing women’s clothes doesn’t magically mean people will start viewing me as a woman. Not all of them are going to be like “well she’s trying so I’ll address her as female.” No, I’ve seen enough hatred of trans people than to even chance that.

And no, being at home with these clothes doesn’t really address my issues either. Maybe if I ever feel comfortable enough in my body to wear women’s clothes I might, but it sure as hell isn’t right, might be never. It’s not like many people are going to give a shit if I say “my sex is male but my gender is female.” No clothes will permanently change what I look like. And yes, I have to wear something going outside of course. Not to mention penis. There’s tucking, sure, strangers might not notice that, but I know. But if I need clothes to look like a woman, I feel I already hate this.

I hate how much I feel completely disconnected from most other transgender people. Clothes clothes clothes! I’m so tired of being told I’m “transitioning wrong” because I don’t give a shit about the clothes right now.