I [33M] am trying to figure out if I should prioritize my parents [70sM/F] or my girlfriend [31F]
I [33M] have been across the country helping my elderly and ill father and stepmother [70sM/F] move. My girlfriend [31F] planned something really sweet and special for when I get home. Up until this morning, that schedule looked very doable.
(Edit: forgot to say I’ve been here a week and flew out pretty last minute (at my dad’s request))
As of this morning, however, my dad’s asked me to stay another day. It’s for nothing specific, just anxiety. The move has been stressful, and he’s hoping to have me around for if someone needs to be somewhere to receive a delivery or whatever else.
My primary anxiety is correctly valuing my dad’s needs. I have a history of putting family first whenever I can, and it’s lead to some regrets. I love my dad, but he has some substance abuse issues and I’m worried about setting a precedent that puts him first over my girlfriend. However, there’s also the angle that he is factually quite ill. He’s basically immobile some days. My stepmom is a wreck of anxiety and I don’t want them to work themselves into a mess (even though there’s no work to be done).
I feel torn. Like I said, I’ve always prioritized family. Especially with him being sick (long-term organ failure) I don’t often feel like I can do things for him. That being said, I really don’t think there’s a real need for me to be here aside from peace of mind. Sometimes peace of mind is all one needs, though.
On the other hand, my girlfriend is, unsurprisingly, a big part of my life. I feel connected to her in a way I can’t say I’ve ever felt before. We’re new, but we connect on values like no one I’ve ever dated and just plain understand each other. I feel seen with her like no one else. I can really see myself marrying this person and that’s not something I can say I’ve felt with other people. Delaying and having her cancel a special thing isn’t the end of the world, but she’s a priority in my life and I want that known. Despite it being early (we’ve been dating less than six months), I don’t want her to feel like she’s going to be second to my dad.
Thanks for any feedback in advance!