u/TicTacTactix

Long story short I (26f) met this girl (25f), we’ll call her Amy, in highschool but we didn’t really become close until college. I’ve learned a lot about her during those times including the fact that she had a rough upbringing and that she has borderline personality disorder. This has made it hard for her to keep friendships, and build romantic relationships. She lives with her mom and besides me does not have other friends currently, I can tell she sees me as someone who fills a gap in her life but it’s becoming overbearing for me..

Some background context about me and Amy as people; I am VERY introverted. I like being alone as much as possible, I tend to avoid people a lot including friends and family, I also have clinical depression. Ive always found people very exhausting to be around as I am a people pleaser who hates confrontation and had to work on this through therapy. Amy has a hard time with criticism. She’s one of those people who is somehow always a victim in her stories..she is short tempered and generally does not get along with other girls. Our friendship is a bit one sided in the sense that I am her very best friend; she has told me I will be the god mother to her kids someday, her maid of honour, all these things. Whereas I see her as just a friend of mine, my closest and best friend is a girl I grew up with since I was a child. I think deep down Amy knows this as she “jokingly” gets jealous of my other friend making sly comments about her.

Because of this social problem I have, I used to dismiss “clingy” behaviour as me being avoidant. For example, Amy wants to talk everyday, via phone or by showing up to my place, and if I don’t answer the phone or tell her I can’t hangout she gets upset. At first I thought I was the problem, but as time goes on I’m realizing that she is subconsciously expecting me to be available to her whenever she needs. She will spam text me if I’m not answering, call multiple times throughout the day even if I tell her I’m busy. During my finals week of college she came over almost everyday to hangout and would get annoyed when I wasn’t giving her enough attention, and to be clear I would tell her I’m busy working on school projects before she came over.

Tonight was my final straw with her and what made me realize I need to set boundaries; this is beyond me being avoidant. She said she wanted to hangout, I told her I’d be out all day and wouldn’t be home till late , but if she was still awake she can come by or we can call. I never specified a time but I told her I’d let her know when I’m home. I was out seeing the Michael Jackson movie and when I was done my mom called (who I live with) freaking out that someone was trying to get into the house.. I then check and see that Amy has been calling and texting me saying she’s at my house. I simply texted her saying “hey I said I’d tell you when I got home, I’m not there right now” but I’m seriously pissed off…

How can I set boundaries as someone who is non confrontational, dealing with someone who gets upset at any form of criticism.. I don’t want to be an asshole to her as I don’t think she is a malicious person. I think she’s just been through a lot and leans on me as her only friend.

TLDR; my friend is very clingy to the point where she’s showing up to my house unannounced and it’s becoming too much for me. I want to set boundaries with her but I suck at confrontation and have social issues.