Did your OCD end your relationship with your partner?
When Covid became a thing few years ago, me and my girlfriend (college students/young professionals) started tracking things that could pass the virus to us or to her parents whenever she visited.
After looking at things from this perspective, I'd notice many people not washing hands after using the washrooms, picking things up from the ground, touching door handles or commuting in public transport with soiled clothes or sitting in a seat where someone may have puked on (drug overdose issue).
This started grossing us out. We were already washing our hands as soon as we got home, but this led us to sanitize accessories and change our outside clothes if we touched any unfamiliar surfaces and wiping down our couches/sofa after guests leave. We were wiping down groceries to everything that came from outside the house.
I did find these actions reasonable to maintain good hygiene and help preventing spread of viruses, and I haven't been sick with anything since I started this.
We've been long distance for the last 4-5 years: she's moved back in with her parents and gone back to normal. I, however, live alone and continue to do this till date because I cannot unsee or reprogram my brain after seeing all the things I have seen. It just grosses me out!! Plus I have ADHD which doesn't help. And its probably gotten worse over time. For example, I don't go to parks unless I have to, I don't go for walks unless it's a forest/nature trail or I plan to take a shower after, I prefer take-outs or sitting in the car over dine-ins unless its important or a special occasion.
The thing is now we meet each other once every 3-4 weeks and whenever she comes over I'd disinfectant her belongings so she doesn't have to. But if she or an extension of her touches anything dirty again before touching me or coming to my bedroom, she refuses to washup, wash hands or disinfect the accessory. Her reasoning: she's already done it once and she doesn't wanna do it again because a little bit won't hurt and I should learn to be okay with it.
My bedroom is my safe space and it makes me utterly uncomfortable if its not clean enough. I'd believe when in Rome, do as the Romans do but she calls me wanting to keep my safe space safe, being "controlling", and making her uncomfortable. I've been called "too much", "mentally sick" and "ADHD is not a thing" to name a few.
I don't keep on washing/disinfecting things constantly if they're already clean, but from a non-OCD person's perspective, I have severe OCD and I don't deny it. She could be more accommodating too and work with me for possible solutions but she doesn't want too.
Has anybody else gone through this? How did you go about this? We've been together 9+ years and I would want to salvage the situation. Or are Contamination OCDs destined to stay single forever?!
P.s. I had seen a psychiatrist as well but he only gave me depression meds and suggested to work with my family doctor for my OCD. My family doctor has since retired so we never actually worked on my symptoms. But finding this subreddit today made me feel seen, and not lonely.