Ghosted after two months. Absolutely gutted.
I’m mostly writing this because it's likely the closest thing to closure I'll get.
I met someone on a dating app a little over two months ago. I wasn't even really trying to date. I'd log in when I got a message that my account was scheduled for deletion, swipe a few times and then piss off for another couple months.
But I woke up to a message from her one morning and I thought like, damn, this could actually be promising. So I responded and we clicked pretty quickly. The texting was strong early on, and we moved to meeting in person within a week.
We only ended up meeting four times. Over the two months. The first date was a meeting at a park and lasted a little over three hours. It felt easy and natural.
After a cancelled second date and a week of awkward texting I thought it was over, so I asked if she was still interested. She apologized and said she was, and we set up another hang.
This time she invited me to her place. We did a low-key activity, talked, chilled. It felt shockingly comfortable being in her space, especially since it was only the second time I met her.
At one point after that, she brought up that I was giving friend vibes because I had been cautious about sexual or romantic topics. I explained that I was trying not to be creepy or pushy. She clarified that she was attracted to me, and the conversation became much more openly sexual from there. She was direct about attraction, sex, compatibility, and desire. I was direct too, but probably still cautious in person.
Right before a trip I took, we almost met up, specifically to get laid, but ultimately decided to take it alow. She sent me a spicy pic right before I boarded my plane.
The third hang was long, around seven hours at her place. Again, comfortable. Nothing physical happened. Looking back, I probably should have been more physically direct once attraction had clearly been established, but I was trying very hard to respect her pace and not overstep.
Afterwards we had another conversation with a lot of sexual tension. Both of us were on pretty long dry spells. She told me later that during that hang, she had thought about climbing on top of me and making out, but didn’t.
Another week or so passed by before the fourth and final hang at her place. She cooked, we ate, played games, talked, and spent about six hours together. At the end, I asked if I could kiss her. She said yes, and we made out. Afterward, she brought it up over text and said I had seemed reserved and that she couldn’t really gauge me. I think I misunderstood her at the time and answered as if she meant the kiss specifically, when she may have meant my energy during the whole hang. That’s on me. I was definitely reserved, even though I was very attracted to her.
There was also a mismatch I was aware of. My feelings were probably stronger and more future oriented than hers. She had said at one point that we weren’t a couple and didn’t need constant contact, which was fair. I tried to respect that. I tried not to be needy, not to over text, and not to pressure her. I think I succeeded but who knows.
Over the next three weeks, things started to feel different. Her life got genuinely chaotic. Work, health stuff, sick foster animals, her own pets having issues . . . a lot. I tried to give space and be understanding. I checked in lightly. At one point I asked if she had any spare hours that week because I’d love to see her, and joked that I wasn’t afraid of cleaning up cat puke. She responded to the cat puke part, sent pictures, and talked about how bad/zoonotic it was, but didn’t answer the part about seeing each other.
I didn’t press it. Looking back, maybe I should have just said, “Fair enough, but do you actually have time this week?” Instead, I softened myself and followed the safer thread of conversation.
Then there was about a week of silence.
Eventually I checked in casually. She responded. The exchange wasn’t hostile. She talked about the animals, canceled plans, and a few normal topics. It was terse at first but basically fine. That’s part of what confused me. It didn’t feel like a clear ending.
Then two days after that final exchange I noticed I was no longer following her private Instagram. I already knew something was off. Had been for a while.
So the next morning, I sent her this:
Heya. I know your past few weeks have been pretty heavy and busy. It’s also been a while since we last met up, and I’ve felt like a distance has grown between us. Like things have changed or stalled. Idk.
I know I asked about this once before and had the wrong read, but this feels different. Especially since I noticed I’m no longer following you on IG and I’m fairly certain I didn’t misclick anything 😅
So for the sake of clarity, do you still want to keep seeing each other?
I'm pretty sure she never got it as a result of blocking my number.
I know we weren’t officially together. I know four dates/hangs isn’t a relationship. I know nobody owes anyone continued access, affection, sex, or romance. She has every right to decide she doesn’t want to keep seeing me.
But after two months of talking, multiple long hangs, being invited into her home repeatedly, explicit sexual conversations, an intimate picture, and a kiss, I really thought a direct “I’m not feeling it anymore” was a basic courtesy.
I’m also trying to be honest about my own side.
I probably overmanaged myself. I was so afraid of being too much that I may have become too careful, too reserved, too edited. I may have made her do too much of the emotional/sexual signaling. I may have been more emotionally invested than the stage justified. I probably should have shown desire more confidently once she had already made attraction clear.
But I also don’t think I did anything cruel, threatening, or disrespectful. I didn’t chase. I didn’t show up. I didn’t send angry messages. I asked one calm question.
And the silence hurts more than a no would have.
A no would suck. But silence makes you review every moment and wonder what the hell happened. Did I do something? Did she just lose interest? Was she overwhelmed? Was it another person? Did I misread everything? Was she trying to fade out and hoping I’d just disappear?
I’ll probably never know.
I understand the impulse to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. I really do. I even thought about just letting it die myself during that week of silence, because I was hurt and didn’t want to feel rejected.
But I couldn’t do that. I asked directly because I think people deserve clarity when something has gone past a casual first date.
I liked her. I was attracted to her. I think some of it was real. But if this is how she chose to end it, it changes how I see her. It just doesn't match at all the person I thought she was.