u/Time_Mind1627

I'm struggling with memories of being raped during my time in the military and also with childhood abuse. It feels like whenever memories from my childhood come up, the thoughts about my MST immediately follow and stay in my head much longer. It's like one trauma triggers the other, and I can't escape it.

I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore. I recently went to Disneyland Park and had horrible anxiety the entire time. I started thinking about my childhood abuse, and then the MST memories hit me hard. I ended up crying and had to put my sunglasses on so nobody would notice. I spent the whole day pretending I was okay while internally just trying to survive the moment.

This happens almost everywhere I go. Home is the only place I feel somewhat safe. I can't even be intimate with my partner anymore because intrusive thoughts come into my head and it's affecting our relationship badly. I barely sleep because of nightmares and night terrors. Some days I feel like I can't even function enough to work, but I force myself because I need money to survive.

I'm exhausted. I'm tired of living like this. I feel trapped in my own mind and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'm desperate for advice from anyone who has gone through something similar or found something that helped.