People tell me I probably have ADHD but I'm kind of scared to say I think it might be autism.
Hi. Im not very certain as to how to write this. I'm 20F. I would argue I'm very high functioning and I wouldn't even consider autism if it wasn't for how I am when I get upset. I also dont think I'm attention deficit. I just dont tend to give it attention if I don't think its worth my time/ it brings me too much anxiety to think of it so I procrastinate. I dont know.
When I get upset specifically by myself I kind of start shaking back and forth, and depending on how upset I am my arms start moving in like slapping motions towards the others. Sometimes i scratch the back of my head really hard or I stroke my hair.
The thing that kind of got to me is the fact that as soon as anyone else is in the room I stop. Like I dont even think about it but I stop.
I study Occupational Therapy and autism is something we learn about. So it kind of spiraled from there.
I also have the hand waving thing when im quite happy? I just go up and down and I don't think its strange cause its like the happy energy has to go somewhere? I dont know. I dont even know what Im asking for here. Maybe just to see what some stranger thinks.
I am also hyperaware of people's reactions and moods. Its kind of tiring. My friend group is currently being very awkward right now but no one is talking about it and I feel stuck between two sides and catering to both feels maddening. It kind of results in me quietening because what do I do.
Im also a bit of a mirror person? Like i mimic what people do but I think everyone does that. It'd easier to make sense of how people act and think when i observe. Consequently i don't feel like a real human being half the time becaue of that.
Sensory wise its mainly just hearing. It drives me insane sometimes.
I dont know. I know I have some issues (im sorry I dont know if saying issues is rude i don't mean it like that) but I'm just wondering if this is just me being neurotypical with a sprinkle of trauma from childhood there. I don't know.
Thanks if you managed to get to the end. This was kind of a vent post I guess?