I think I may have an ed
So, I'm not sure how to start this, but as the title
suggests, eating disorder, and it may have been going on for longer than I'd like to admit. I realised this about a week or so ago, when I noticed that I find it very hard to eat if there's nobody to tell me to or monitor me, I've gone 3 days comfortably without any food, and I can't help but check my body at every reflective surface I pass. At first, I just tried to play it off as just forgetting and just wanting to check my "build", but I really can't keep lying to myself. I feel like this may be stemming from my past relationships with food; I haven't necessarily always had the best experience. From when I was younger and in ballet to when I was older (still a kid) and living with my abusive auntie, who only allowed me to eat the rotten and leftover food. So now I feel like food is either something to be earned (eg; I have to finish so and so chores before I can eat) or only if necessary (until my stomach hurts or I feel physically weak). I only started to realise how bad my relationship with food was when people started asking what my favourite food is and I realised I don't have one and that I also don't really enjoy most food anymore almost like I can't really taste it. And I feel like it's starting to affect my health, I don't know tbh.