Self funded PHD in cancer research
So. I know this is almost a pointless post because realistically im aware the answer is probably no.
For some background and it is long winded and kind of TMI, but i feel ot sets the stage for how much ive fought for this and how much i want it which is relevant.
im a 28 year old woman who has come from a very very poor west yorkshire background, my family income growing up was 6k a year, my mum didnt work often due to mental health issues and she was accidentally abusive because of it which was traumatising at times.
i grew up in a council house which had a corregated iron sheet instead of a front door when we moved in, we didnt have enough food sometimes, had our power cut off. Proper four yorkshireman sketch stuff, grandparents were coal miners and all that.
I worked hard at our low funded school and got good grades and started my degree in 2016.
Then at the beginning of my second year my mum suddenly died due to a chest infection and COPD.
i persevered and moved away to go back to uni 2 weeks after her funeral and 5 months later whilst on the way to an exam i got the call my sister was in a coma with similar disease as to what had killed my mum.
whilst she was in the coma came the date that was mums 50th birthday, mothers day, and the 6 month anniversary of her death all in one week and i had no choice but to drop out whilst i sat by her bedside for weeks
By some miracle my sister survived.
I went back the following year and had to drop out again as i had developed PTSD and severe illness OCD to the point the topics of my biomedical science degree actively triggered it.
In late 2019 i transfered to a university closer to home due to restart second year september 2020 as i thought being closer to my dad would help quiet my anxieties about him suddenly dying.
Dad got diagnosed with COPD in early 2020 and then came the chest infection based pandemic. I only made it 2 months into university this time before landing myself in hospital with my mental health and being told i had run out of student finance. I had to leave for a third time.
I had therapy, got on medication, found out i had autism and got jobs in labs to raise money to start my degree from scratch, determined not to let this all rob my dream of doing my PHD
I later found out in august 2022 i could have applied to get my student finance back under compelling personal reasons this whole time and so with 3 weeks noticed moved across the country and restarted my degree in 2022.
After some crowd funding i fininshed it this time, and ive since gone on to get engaged to my wonderful partner and im about to finish a masters in genomic medicine despite having found out recently the blood clotting issues that plagued my nan (died at 50 years old) mum (died 49 years old) and sister (alive, but had bilateral Pulmonary embolisms at 32 years old) are genetic and i have them, and that i have autoimmune pain and fatigue conditions and a few other things which alongisde my PTSD and illness OCD has been difficult.
My partner is self funding his PHD right now but its in a field where he has no costs other than tuition and is only in university once a month, thus he works and has an income of around £800 a week. We both live off this money and live with my soon to be mother in law. We only pay £150 a month in rent. We dont pay bills other than phone, food, travel, and netflix etc subscriptions.
I have just been offered to do a self funded PHD in the lab im currently doing my masters research project in. The doctoral loan will cover tuition and 5k of bench fees, my supervisor has basically offered to cover the rest of the bench fees and help me with grant applications. So i will have to take out the loan to cover bench and tuition and it will cover all of that, but i will have 0 living stipend unless i can get grants.
If you cant see from what ive battled through to get here, i really really want this. Its in a perfect area im so interested in, and fully funded positions in this area basically no longer exist. Id have to wait years or move across the country (which i cant do due to my fiances PhD) before getting another opportunity.
But i cant help but feel like it would be foolish.
Does anyone have any advice?