u/TomStillwater

Phillip the senior monitor lizard dreamt he was a Komodo dragon and attacks a bed.

Brutus the senior Asian water monitor keeps breaking into my closet. Once inside, he likes to dress up in my clothes and walk around pretending he's human. Actually, he climbs and topples and breaks everything because of course he does. I told him, just because it's a walk-in closet doesn't mean he is authorized to walk in any time he feels like it. I also told him the next time he breaks in, I will film it and publicly shame him. Brutus tailwhipped me. He don't care.