Dutch perspective on marriage and financial equality in relationships
I’m a Brazilian woman and I’ve been in a relationship with my Dutch partner for almost 12 years. We lived together in Brazil before moving to the Netherlands 3 years ago.
Marriage has always been important to me, and over the years I tried to talk about it many times. He would always get very uncomfortable or irritated whenever the topic came up.
Back in Brazil, we eventually signed a legal partnership mainly so he could have visa rights there. Even during that process — despite it being full separation of assets — he seemed very defensive and suspicious about the terms and translations.
Recently, after many years together, I finally started understanding why he never wanted to marry me. He admitted that one of the reasons was because he didn’t see me as financially equivalent to him.
That honestly broke my heart. I never saw relationships as a financial competition, especially after building a life together for so many years and moving countries together.
Now I’m wondering if this is something cultural that I maybe never fully understood, or if this is more about him as an individual.
I would genuinely appreciate honest Dutch perspectives about marriage, finances, and long-term commitment.
PS: He has a normal job, no major assets, just a mortgage to pay and a possible future inheritance. Nowadays my salary is almost the same as his.