It gets better… convicted bf experience
Hello.
This is not a happy story, but it may help give some hope.
I am a feminist. I always have been. I also have a law degree and come from a family with a strong legal background. I’m from a European country, so English is not my first language.
I (27WOMAN) met this wonderful (24 MAN) and we had a healthy and loving relationship: especially sexually. I came from abusive relationships, and after three years of celibacy, meeting him and experiencing that kind of connection was amazing.
I met him in april 2025, and in July 2025 he told me that he was involved in an ongoing sexual assault case from 2021. He had appealed the sentence several times. He was young, bragging about their parents properties and probably more stupid and arrogant. After having sex with a girl he just met, friends of friends, they ended up arguing because some stupid thing. He left in the middle of the night and 2 days later he was in provisional prision, no clues against him, just her testimony.
In 2022, he had attempted suicide, and he never told me why: although I knew because I had seen a scar.
Before making any decision, I asked to read the entire case file. I read everything, and I even sent it to my father, who is a lawyer. My father reassured me: there was no evidence, it had been a consensual vaginal relationship, and the woman claimed that at the end he penetrated her anally without consent.
The woman’s testimony contradicted itself and lacked coherence. During the trials she lied several times and it was proven. In law, there is the principle of in dubio pro reo: when there is doubt, it should favor the defendant.
The reality is that he is a man and half Arab. The social climate in my country is very progressive and feminist, although the judicial system still has racist undertones.
In the end, the final sentence came. And he was convicted. Everything had indicated that he would not be, but he was. It was horrible.
And he entered prison.
I don’t want to go too deeply into those days because my eyes fill with tears just remembering them. It still hurts. I remember thinking about him spending 4 years there and I was devastated….
My father recommended hiring a prison lawyer. My partner’s parents are teachers but have no legal background, so I ended up taking the lead on this matter. I sent the sentence to a former university classmate who was now a lawyer, and she became deeply involved in the case. After reading the case her words were: this is one of the worst sentences i’ve ever read. This is terrible.
The judicial system failed, but the prison system did not. When they reviewed the sentence, the facts of the case, and my partner’s psychological profile and personality, the prison administration quickly proposed an open prison regime (third grade classification). This proposal had to be approved by a prison judge.
The lawyer spoke with the prosecutor, who read the case and usually rejects these kinds of requests in these types of crimes, and since the beginning of January my partner has been out, rebuilding his life.
Out of a four-year sentence, he served five months, and now he is under an open regime where he only has to sleep there four nights a week.
For me, this has been very hard not only gor him, but in a reputation level because even though I know he is innocent, some people found out about the case and, of course, many people have doubts. And it hurts to carry the label of being “the girlfriend of.” This stigma is causing me a lot of social anxiety. I’m struggling a lot with some friends.
My mom, dad, best friend knows and they fully support me and don’t have any doubt. However, the fact that some people and friends may find out…. Its horrible. I have lied to friends and right now i’m stressing.
The point of this post is that life continues , my boyfriend is now in a better position and he spends all of his days at his place or studying or working. I’m also doing new stuff considering to change and create new friendships and new environments where I don’t have to explain anything regarding him because what we have is great however I have social anxiety that if someone finds out just gives me a lot of trauma.
I’m still a feminist, but I don’t tolerate injustice of any kind. That’s the kind of feminism and future we should advocate for. At least the one I support.
it carries a lot of stigma not only for him, but for everyone who is around him. Mean people exist no matter if they are woman or men.
And I just want to let you know that, even though the justice system may fail you, there’s also the prison system, and in some cases, there’s more common sense there, that with the judicial system
.
Although this is not a happy story because he was convicted, he is in semi-free regime since January. All the professionals he met on prison were supportive with his situation. The psychologist even said that she didn’t know what he was doing there. And now in the semi Free Regime he’s having a lot of support from all the workers of the institution.
I’m sending you a lot of energy hope and peace if you are really in this situation. It’s not easy. Find a good and caring lawyer and be strong
.