u/TorstenX

I've been reading some Cormac McCarthy and am very obviously compelled by the first page of Blood Meridian, as a result I feel like I'm jerking myself off a bit with the first paragraph by breaking grammatical rules in order to be poetic. There are a few phrases I want to edit within there, "gives a little" among them, but I admittedly think the overall tone and way of presenting is somewhat good. I'm open to being told it's not, and the grammatical structure sucks, and the tense switch is distracting.

Also, does the detail about the train give any sort of clue to the fact that the MC knows a lot about trains (no this isn't an autism thing it's important to his character later on) or does it just seem clunky for no reason?

Thank you!!