Blacksheep
OK so this involves complicated family dynamics and I’ll try keep it brief.
I (30s/F) grew up in a very abusive family. My father was absent, my mother was emotionally and physically abusive, and my older sister (“B”) was physically abusive toward me growing up. She pushed me down stairs badly enough to crack my tailbone, hit me, stole from me, and once locked me outside overnight in freezing weather.
My younger sister (“A”) later admitted multiple times that what happened growing up was abusive and wrong. Because our parents weren’t emotionally safe, I became very protective of her and spent years supporting her emotionally, listening to her problems for hours, reaching out first, and trying to maintain a close relationship.
Over time though, the relationship became very one-sided. She borrowed thousands from me when I was already struggling financially and later outright said she wouldn’t repay it because she was “in her 20s.” There were also incidents of stealing and hurtful behavior that were never acknowledged.
Growing up, whenever I achieved something or got positive attention, both sisters would accuse me of being conceited or attention-seeking. Even now I avoid sharing achievements with A because I sense coldness or irritation afterward.
The final straw was a road trip with A, her now-husband, my best friend, and me. They became controlling and argumentative during the trip. When I asked if we could visit family nearby, they confronted me together and said I was “ruining their holiday.”
Afterward we argued on WhatsApp, I suggested therapy because I genuinely wanted to repair things. She ignored it repeatedly and continued sending dismissive messages. Around that same time she also accused me of being physically abusive growing up, which I genuinely do not believe is true. My entire survival strategy as a child was avoiding B because she terrified me.
I blocked A because I needed emotional distance. During that period she got married and didn’t invite me, although she did invite my best friend from the trip.
I know I’m not perfect, but despite all the dysfunction, I was never abusive toward my sisters and would never wish horrible things on them. I often feel confused about how I somehow became the “black sheep” despite trying hardest to maintain relationships.
I’m single and would like some semblance of a family but should I simply walk away?