u/Tough_Cake8915

I am really struggling to make sense of what happened with a guy friend, and whether I ultimately handled things in a way that ruined not only the romantic aspect, but also the friendship, which meant a lot to me, so I can avoid repeating this situation in the future. 

So, about two years ago, I went on a handful of dates with a guy. Things didn’t work out romantically, but we got on really well and became platonic friends, something that I initially was completely fine with. 

About a year into the friendship, last summer, his behaviour started shifting from purely platonic. He’d pay for outings though I offered, flirt, initiated more physical touch, texted after every hangout to tell me what a wonderful time he had, offered to help me with mundane tasks, etc. As this behaviour continued, I slowly developed feelings for him again. I didn’t say anything for months because I didn’t want to be presumptuous and, irrespective of my feelings, I really valued our friendship and feared losing it.

Eventually, though, the dynamic became too confusing, so a few months ago, earlier this year, I brought it all up. He apologised for his behaviour and admitted that he’d had feelings for me too again at some point, but felt remaining friends was the right choice for him. He said he understood if I needed distance, but hoped we could stay friends and reconnect whenever I was ready because he really valued me. I accepted his decision, thanked him for being honest, but didn’t respond about staying friends because I needed some distance. 

After that neither of us reached out until I wished him a happy birthday a few weeks ago. I genuinely missed our friendship and thought enough time had passed that we could reconnect as friends. He seemed really happy to hear from me initially and engaged normally in the conversation. Then, after a few messages, he stopped responding. I’m now struggling to reconcile the fact that he was the one who said he hoped we could reconnect as friends, only to eventually fade. I know you can’t force a friendship, though…

In any case, I’d really value some perspectives on whether I handled all this badly, like whether me bringing everything up caused this outcome, and how his behaviour played a role in this too. Was this simply an emotionally complicated situation that I couldn’t have handled much differently, even if I’d spoken up sooner? 

I’m looking for advice on whether I should reach out to a guy friend I used to have feelings for or just leave it alone.

In late 2024, I briefly dated a guy who eventually friendzoned me, but we really clicked and kept hanging out weekly and texting every 1-2 days. A few months into the friendship, he became flirty again (plus ambiguous comments, paying for outings, offering help with (non)mundane tasks), and I caught feelings again. I didn’t say anything for months because he’d already rejected me once and I didn’t want to lose the friendship. When I finally told him, he said he’d also had feelings post friendzoning me but had recently met someone. He said staying friends felt right to him, that he didn’t want to lose me, but understood if I needed space.

I thanked him for his honesty but wasn’t sure how to handle the friendship part, so didn’t give an answer on that, and we both stopped talking. It’s now been about six months, and he's never reached out. I’m over him romantically but really miss the friendship.

Has anyone rebuilt a friendship like this, or is it better to leave it alone?