How do I support my pregnant roommate without letting her boyfriend move in?
Background: My two roommates and I have lived together since graduating college in 2024, and honestly it’s been great. We’ve had very little drama or conflict. The original plan was for all of us to finish out this year in our house, then my two roommates would move out at the end of the year to take the next step with their partners. I already have another roommate lined up to move in this January. We also have a very lenient landlord, so we’re not locked into strict lease terms.
A couple of months ago, one of my roommates unexpectedly got pregnant by her boyfriend of about a month, who was also her coworker. I truly don’t mean this in a judgmental way, but she’s still figuring out a lot about adult life, so this understandably worried a lot of her friends and family. Around the same time, my other roommate decided she’ll be moving out ASAP to live with family, partly because of this situation and partly to save money.
Since then, my pregnant roommate’s boyfriend has essentially moved into our house without actually moving in. He’s here constantly, uses our fridge and laundry, is sometimes here even when she isn’t, and his dog (who I admittedly am not a fan of) is here just as often. None of this was ever really communicated to me—it just gradually became the new normal. I was planning to have a conversation with her about maybe splitting time between our house and his apartment (which he has all to himself), because right now our place has become their default hangout spot. They’re honestly in the common areas more than they are in her bedroom.
For context, we’ve basically been three single girls living together until now, so this is the first time we’ve had a relationship dynamic affecting the household.
Here’s where it gets more complicated.
Before I had a chance to bring up how overwhelmed I was starting to feel, she asked if I’d be willing to let him officially move in. The conversation ended pretty quickly with, “You don’t have to answer now—just think about it.”
I was honestly shocked she even asked. I cannot imagine asking my roommate if my boyfriend of two months could move into our shared home when he already has his own apartment. From my perspective, it feels like he’d essentially be getting a huge rent discount at my expense.
Then, just a couple of days later, I found out he was fired from his job.
They’re out of town this week, so I’ve had some time to think about it. I have a feeling the conversation is going to come back with a lot of “please help us out.” I genuinely want to support my friend—she’s going through a lot—but I’m also someone who has a history of letting people walk all over me, and I’m trying to figure out whether this is one of those times where I need to stand my ground.
My gut is telling me no. I honestly think having him officially move in would make me dread coming home. But I’m also worried that if I say no, she’ll decide to move in with him instead, and I’ll suddenly be responsible for the entire rent until January, which would put me in a really difficult financial situation.
Another concern is that once he’s an official roommate, he’d become an equal in the household. Right now he’s still technically a guest, and I at least have some say in that dynamic.
Would it be unreasonable to agree only if he paid a disproportionately larger share of the rent? Part of me feels guilty even thinking that, but another part of me thinks that if my quality of life is taking a hit because another person is moving in, it’s not unreasonable that he contribute more than an even split.
Another layer to this: she previously asked if I would be willing to move out once the baby arrives so she and her boyfriend could have the apartment. I shut that down immediately. We honestly hit the housing lottery with this place—great location, affordable rent, and great amenities—and my plan has always been to stay here until I either leave my current job or get married. I do worry that if I let him move in now, it could eventually become a situation where I’m the one being pushed out.
Finally, I’m worried saying no will hurt our friendship. I think she already felt I wasn’t being very compassionate when I told her I didn’t want to move out for the baby.
I really do want to approach this with kindness. I care about her, I know she’s under an incredible amount of stress, and I want to support her however I can. But how do I balance being a good friend with protecting my own home and boundaries? Am I being unreasonable for not wanting someone I’ve only known for two months to move into my house?