u/TraditionalPiece5333

I recently got this job at a family owned coffee spot. the owners hired this guy who has more than 20 years of experience in coffee industry to train me, but he’s an absolute asshole. he screams at me everytime he doesn’t like something I do, mess up a move, or pour milk the wrong way. he insults me and basically calls me stupid everytime I make a mistake (mind u this is my second day of training) I try my best to get it right, but he makes me so nervous because even if I breath the wrong way, he’s gonna start screaming and insulting me. I told him that It was stressful for me and thats why I failed sometimes, which made him even angrier. he started saying that I dont love what I do, I was here just for the money and I was talking too much instead of doing my job. owners were literally right there watching all this go down and didn’t say a single word. when he left they even told me to be humble and dont talk back to him. I really need this job that’s why I cant leave. is this normal? are all barista trainers like this? has anyone else experienced anything like this? I really like making coffees and want to learn more but this guy is making it too hard for me.

looking back i’ve only been in love with people who i knew i had no chance with. i guess i like the fact that im suffering because im giving them all the attention and they dgaf?

It really feels like I just want to suffer. I desperately want them to love me, and I get so mad and frustrated when they don't give me the attention or affection that I want. But the exact second I imagine them actually liking me back, I completely fall out of love. The mere idea of reciprocity completely kills the attraction for me.

To make matters worse, I only ever like people who are older than me, which just adds another huge layer to them being totally out of reach. I have absolutely zero interest in anyone my own age or anyone I might actually stand a realistic shot with. I grew up feeling ugly and insecure, and I haven’t dated anyone in years. I just don't get why my brain runs away from actual connection. Why am I like this? there has to be an explanation to this