u/TraianMakris

August 15th is my birthday and I really want to try my best to feel happy about it and shit, mainly because I know my mom likes celebrating it and shit and its important to her. I just cant fucking escape the constant shame and feeling like I have already wasted my entire life. I dont have any friends but Ill still have to be around some people which always feels shitty for me. I cant concentrate on anything other than all this negative shit. fuck me

I hate that place more than any other place every time im there I just walk behind everybody. Sometimes I speak about 3-5 sentences a day but Ive had so many days where I probably actually didnt say a single fucking word the whole day. They still notice me just enough to fuck with me sometimes and find it funny that I dont know how to react or whatever. And I still have to go to that shit because if I dont I have no chance at all to get a real future, im not hard working, im not charismatic or well spoken, maybe im just smart enough in some aspects to finish school and get a job

For me it would be one where I dont have to be around many strangers and shit and I can just be alone and stop depending on consumerism (Social media, fucked up food, pornography) to feel any pleasure. Just a life where I can focus on having enough discipline to stay away from any of that shit because im able to Distance myself from people and places that make me feel fucked up and anxious and make me overindulge in all that shit to forget about said people and places

I cant think I havent slept and shit and now im in my own head even more than usual and every thought passes before I know what it is and I almost fall asleep but then I wake right back ip again. fuck I cant think anymore

people talk to me sometimes acting friendly and shit and asking me questions pretending to be interested in me and they clearly just do this shit to make fun of me later and I pretty much cant do shit about it. sometimes its hard to tell if they are actually trying to talk to me or just being assholes and because of this Ive never said anything. I just pretty much cant do shit about it. Has this ever happened to any of you?

Apart from my parents I have no real relationships with people I talk to in person. Sometimes I text some people I know in real life who I havent seen in a while but it never really lasts long anyway so I should probably stop being in between and just stop trying to talk to people and shit, I want to either have the pleasure of connecting with people or stay completely out of it which I think I wouldnt mind either but I dont know, just not some shit in between where I talk to people but dont actually have a relationship with anyone if that makes sense.

The algorithm on apps like tiktok and instagram are intentionally designed to divide people and make them despise eachother. Everyone is fucking stupid and narrow minded enough to fall for it too. Its always men vs women always talking about eachother like some kind of other species. Its never about making solid arguments either its just about bringing the other gender down. Why the fuck do people collectively agree to be actual fucking sheep and never stop to think about what the fuck actually convinced them to have hatred for the entire other gender, race or whatever it is. Its always the fucking algorithms of tiktok and instagram that fucking brainwash and divide everyone and its all done on purpose to make people stupid and im sick of this shit.

Everyone has seen a person who is just obviously out of touch and insane. Like a guy you sit next to on a bus who you can tell is a bum, smells like piss, hair greasy and unkempt, and you can just tell they arent all there. Theyre just out of touch with reality. The older I get the less I judge people like them because I just understand it. Youre pretty much either born ignorant and unaware or all the shit in your life turns you into an unwashed out of touch l o s e r over time. In rare cases you get your shit together but most people never do that. A lot of these people are fucked up, disabled or ignorant from the start, drug addicts because thats just who they are but many of these people are just what you get when all the shit in the world constantly beats the fuck out of you. And if I dont get my shit together, Ill be a greasy mentally ill drug addict falling in and out of sleep on the street one day too.

probably the best ive felt in a while. I felt like I had a hole in my stomach. That feeling is a million times better than filling yourself with shit feeling like youre eating and consuming yourself to death. I fucked it up today but tommorow im probably gonna stop again and figure out how to break my fast properly and then after a while ill probably manage to never touch all that shit food again.

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Nothing else makes me want to kill myself as much as the feeling of spending all day eating poisoned fucking shit food. I wish I never had to eat again

I honestly wish we had a new global lockdown. You could pretty much do whatever the fuck you want. No one gives you weird looks and shit for not wanting to go outside and talk to people. I honestly feel like I would have more Control of my life. If not that, then atleast Id have an excuse to be a lazy fuck up