u/TraianMakris

I think theres really no point to my life anymore. My brain is dying. I can feel it dying and its filled with hate and shame and nothing else. I cant do it anymore

I dont even really care about AI or politics, clinate change and the "world going to shit" or whatever. The Earth is probably gonna survive all of it anyway, it has gone through worse. The thing that makes me sad and angry about the world and shit is the way people are just stupid fucking cunts. Most people are so fucked up, fucking stupid and narcissistic and have 0 ability to take accountability for anything. They just think they matter so much more than they actually do. They feel like they deserve everything and shit, they have 0 ability to form their own opinions, all they care about is being part of a group so they can feel like they actually make any fucking difference and if you dare to be a reasonable and open minded fucking person and form your own opinion instead of regurgitating shit from the media you consume they will immediately call you names like "centrist", which is a thing they really like to do to anyone with different beliefs, call them names. I just feel like 90% of people are like this and there is nothing you can do to to get anything new through their thick fucking monkey skulls. I just hear people talking about and doing stupid shit, being complete fucking idiots and it makes me feel fucking sad and defeated and I just dont want to live anymore. The worst part is Im probably one of them and this post is completely hypocritical. Im probably just as bad as them and I just dont realize it because im just too stupid just like them which scares me a lot. You can never really see past the restrictions you have developed in your brain

sometimes I just realize I want nothing else but to just feel a human connection in any way. I want to be able to hug my mother and genuinely feel the happy emotion of knowing that she loves me. I want to talk to my brother and get the happy feeling of brotherhood. I wish I could meet a girl who can just remove all the shit from the outside world and just reduce everything to the feeling of love. When theres genuine human connection, you just feel nothing else, you dont give a fuck about anything except for the present moment where you feel love. I havent felt this feeling in a Long time and I dont know what to do

I had a good thing going for myself for the past few weeks. I actually trained a lot and saw my body change, in general I was getting better but I still felt the same way I did before. I felt completely fucked up and hopeless. I really hate myself and everything about me and after a while I felt like it was genuinely impossible to keep myself accountable. So today I completely fucked myself over, I indulged in every single terrible addiction I have. Now I feel even worse. I knew that was going to be how I felt but after a while I always destroy myself by trying to get comfort even though I know it will only last me minutes and Ill be feeling fucked up afterwards. I think I am a very extreme person because it is impossible for me to balance my life. I cant do anything other than either complete self destruction or total organization. I like the feeling of total organization better because at least on the outside my life seems to improve in a way but I still dont feel good in my head. I really feel like I cant do anything, because no matter what I do, addiction always wins and I end up destroying myself again

August 15th is my birthday and I really want to try my best to feel happy about it and shit, mainly because I know my mom likes celebrating it and shit and its important to her. I just cant fucking escape the constant shame and feeling like I have already wasted my entire life. I dont have any friends but Ill still have to be around some people which always feels shitty for me. I cant concentrate on anything other than all this negative shit. fuck me

I hate that place more than any other place every time im there I just walk behind everybody. Sometimes I speak about 3-5 sentences a day but Ive had so many days where I probably actually didnt say a single fucking word the whole day. They still notice me just enough to fuck with me sometimes and find it funny that I dont know how to react or whatever. And I still have to go to that shit because if I dont I have no chance at all to get a real future, im not hard working, im not charismatic or well spoken, maybe im just smart enough in some aspects to finish school and get a job

For me it would be one where I dont have to be around many strangers and shit and I can just be alone and stop depending on consumerism (Social media, fucked up food, pornography) to feel any pleasure. Just a life where I can focus on having enough discipline to stay away from any of that shit because im able to Distance myself from people and places that make me feel fucked up and anxious and make me overindulge in all that shit to forget about said people and places

I cant think I havent slept and shit and now im in my own head even more than usual and every thought passes before I know what it is and I almost fall asleep but then I wake right back ip again. fuck I cant think anymore

people talk to me sometimes acting friendly and shit and asking me questions pretending to be interested in me and they clearly just do this shit to make fun of me later and I pretty much cant do shit about it. sometimes its hard to tell if they are actually trying to talk to me or just being assholes and because of this Ive never said anything. I just pretty much cant do shit about it. Has this ever happened to any of you?

Apart from my parents I have no real relationships with people I talk to in person. Sometimes I text some people I know in real life who I havent seen in a while but it never really lasts long anyway so I should probably stop being in between and just stop trying to talk to people and shit, I want to either have the pleasure of connecting with people or stay completely out of it which I think I wouldnt mind either but I dont know, just not some shit in between where I talk to people but dont actually have a relationship with anyone if that makes sense.

The algorithm on apps like tiktok and instagram are intentionally designed to divide people and make them despise eachother. Everyone is fucking stupid and narrow minded enough to fall for it too. Its always men vs women always talking about eachother like some kind of other species. Its never about making solid arguments either its just about bringing the other gender down. Why the fuck do people collectively agree to be actual fucking sheep and never stop to think about what the fuck actually convinced them to have hatred for the entire other gender, race or whatever it is. Its always the fucking algorithms of tiktok and instagram that fucking brainwash and divide everyone and its all done on purpose to make people stupid and im sick of this shit.

Everyone has seen a person who is just obviously out of touch and insane. Like a guy you sit next to on a bus who you can tell is a bum, smells like piss, hair greasy and unkempt, and you can just tell they arent all there. Theyre just out of touch with reality. The older I get the less I judge people like them because I just understand it. Youre pretty much either born ignorant and unaware or all the shit in your life turns you into an unwashed out of touch l o s e r over time. In rare cases you get your shit together but most people never do that. A lot of these people are fucked up, disabled or ignorant from the start, drug addicts because thats just who they are but many of these people are just what you get when all the shit in the world constantly beats the fuck out of you. And if I dont get my shit together, Ill be a greasy mentally ill drug addict falling in and out of sleep on the street one day too.

probably the best ive felt in a while. I felt like I had a hole in my stomach. That feeling is a million times better than filling yourself with shit feeling like youre eating and consuming yourself to death. I fucked it up today but tommorow im probably gonna stop again and figure out how to break my fast properly and then after a while ill probably manage to never touch all that shit food again.

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Nothing else makes me want to kill myself as much as the feeling of spending all day eating poisoned fucking shit food. I wish I never had to eat again

I honestly wish we had a new global lockdown. You could pretty much do whatever the fuck you want. No one gives you weird looks and shit for not wanting to go outside and talk to people. I honestly feel like I would have more Control of my life. If not that, then atleast Id have an excuse to be a lazy fuck up