r/doomer

The only job offers I got in 2 years were from call centers that track even how long it takes you to pee.

i’ve been with this guy since i was 16, which is around 2 years. i went back to my old school, quit the cosmetology program i was in, and lost a lot of friends since then. now i feel like i don’t have a life of my own. i’m 18 and have no hobbies or friends or a life outside of a singular person, and it’s embarrassing. idk how to talk to people anymore, even the old friends i used to have come over and stn all the time, because ive spent two years basing my personality around one person. i graduated not liking anybody in my class because i spent so long basing my personality around one person. i’m tired of it. i feel like i don’t have a life of my own, or even myself. idk who i am and by august i’ll be starting college and getting a job and it’s just so sad because i don’t have a life and idk what to do. he used to be great but as it’s progressed he’s just irresponsible, lazy, disrespectful, and goes against everything i ask. i hate my life and i have no friends or nothing. on the few days that i get alone i sit in bed not doing anything besides scrolling on my phone because idk what else to do? i have no friends to hangout with, no hobbies, no motivation most days. i can’t keep going on like this. this isn’t the best way ive explained it there’s much more but i just don’t really know what to do. like i don’t even have a life atp oh my god i never even noticed it got this bad the way i can’t find a single useful thing to do when im alone is so embarrassing im so boring now i used to be so full of life and weird and had such random interests and now theres nothing about myself. i feel trapped idk how to make friends or how to find hobbies or normal stuff people my age do for fun or do on a weekend i have zero life zero friends zero hobbies nothing. i have literally nothing and idk what to do. idk how to talk to people anymore, how to find friends, anything. i avoid people for so long and ignore people because i don’t enjoy doing anything because i’ve gotten so used to only having a personality and life for one person. what do i do atp.

I (20F) met a guy (19M) in a sports club, my coach said he's not a good guy cz he hurt a girl (he didn't tell me the whole story so I didn't believe him).

I asked the guy and he said the girl liked him and his coach forced him and her together, so I trusted him cz we were great friends and eventually started dating.

I left the sports club cz I felt like my coach is a gossiper who had nothing better to do, even though I genuinely loved the class.

Our relationship had its typical ups and downs.

I never judged him for his past since mine was bad too, when I was younger, I made mistakes while seeking love and affection from strangers who were way older than me, nothing physical happened ok.

Anyways, he treated me well-ish, fed me, took care of me, everything was normal, until I went out of town for work once, he calls me and tells me his dad found out abt us and that other ppl (idk who) were telling his dad "she's not a decent girl" (basically a polite way of calling me a whore) and "don't talk to her or I'll break your phone" so he insisted that we meet in secret hereforth.

So I offered him a better option and broke up w him, although kinda messy since we slept together later twice.

Then I met my old coach again, randomly, he's checking in on me and I tell him it's over, the smile of relief on that man's face I tell you, we then sat down discussed everything and coincidentally, THE girl came to meet the coach randomly and well, we both spoke for a while -

TURNS OUT, *she was never into him*, HE was the one creeping the hell out of her, she had to leave town for higher studies hence she hosted her birthday party a day prior to leaving, she tried to shake him off the list of invited people, he still came all by himself (and told me the coach took him there forcefully, and the coach left after wishing her 5 mins in).

***Now with the bad, like, real bad part***

He then proceeded to make extensively sexual remarks abt this poor girl to her friends, and actually harassing her while in a group of friends by asking her weird sexual questions, then she also told me - he was texting her in the first two months of our relationship asking about her well-being and what not.

Ever since I met these two that day, I have had a large gaping hole in my chest or maybe my whole body feels like a void.

My mind and my body both have lost control of themselves, I no longer feel anything.

And well I have clinical depression and mood disorders, it's already very difficult for me to take care of myself and now this.

I can't feel any emotion unless I genuinely try to, and even when I'm with friends I barely have anything to say, it always feels fake, like I'm pretending.

And the worst thing is, I have never felt this disgusting and numb at the same time.

I'm just not okay anymore.

It's just all so... weird. I've been smoking and drinking so much. Can't feel anything.

Here's some more random info,

I went on a date with an old friend after the breakup and my ex and I had slept once after that, he told me how upset he was with me and that he's not the only bad guy in this relationship anymore because I went on a date w someone I knew a few years ago and also because I wore shorts. Like man, when I broke up w him, it was at a point where I had taken months of bullshit and it had eradicated any love I had for him.

Y'all can judge me ig for sleeping w him after breaking up. I have a fucked up brain, and I choose to be with the worst men ever, I have been SAed so many times I have ruined sex for myself, I might be addicted to lust and stuff it's all js so ugh.

it’s genuinely over for me and there’s nothing worth keeping me alive.
and i really want to do it, but the only thing i’m concerned about is that i don’t wanna inconvenience anyone.
like, i thought of running into incoming traffic, but why should the random driver i make run me over have to suffer a bad day cause of me?
i also thought of throwing myself off a rooftop, but then i thought maybe a kid will see the body and get traumatized and i don’t really want that.
i guess what i really want is to quietly disappear from this world, i don’t want to be a burden even after im gone and honestly no one will really care but i bet they’ll have a really bad day picking my body up or something
id drown in a sea but i don’t live in a coastal city unfortunately, i think if i did id do it and they won’t ever find the body

The title says it all. You've been born in to the most prosperous, safest, and easiest time in human history. And you spend what little time you have on Earth crying about nothing in a subreddit populated by other losers. Honestly, what are you hoping to achieve, are you guys just getting high off of the humiliation?

Hello,
I wanna end my life cuz it’s so hard to live like this, im done w this shit and no one helps me they just say it’s gonna be better or say it’s harder on others or it doesn’t matter but it’s not gonna be better and it also matters too and the reason is studies everyone have high expectations from me and ik for sure I’ll disappoint them so yeah what’s the point of acting like it won’t get better and idk

This will get lost so I do not give a fuck

In these next hours, I will kill myself. I cannot hold this pain, this pressure, the disappointment at myself, the pain. Fuck this.

I am an absolute garbage of a human being. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I was a normal outgoing person. I wish I never locked in my house for so many years.

It’s over and it’s done. You can message, downvote, do whatever you want I won’t be alive tomorrow.

I blocked everyone’s phone number.
I removed all my social media except this one because nobody knows who the fuck am I.

As my advice to those who don’t want to end up like me, please take risks, be yourself, do whatever your gut tells you to, and luck is when preparation meets opportunity. A good life is a life full of experiences.

See you guys on the other side.

Alex.

One day I realized I was waiting.

Waiting for motivation.
Waiting for the perfect opportunity.
Waiting until I felt confident.
Waiting until life became easier.

The truth?

Nothing changed until I stopped waiting.

The people you admire aren’t special. They just kept going when nobody was watching, when nobody was clapping, and when the results weren’t showing yet.

Your future is built by the things you do when you don’t feel like doing them.

Start before you’re ready.
Be bad before you’re good.
Fail before you succeed.

A year from now, you’ll either be grateful you started today or wishing you had.

The choice is yours.