Navigating serious family illness as a doctor - advice needed
My mum has stage IV cancer and I’m a trainee working in a closely related field. She had a really good response to chemo and has subsequently been referred to surgeons to consider whether there is a role for surgery.
While waiting for the surgical process/MDT and appointments, some of her original symptoms have started to return, particularly pain. Her team are aware of various ongoing issues, but I’m finding the waiting incredibly difficult because I understand enough medically to worry about progression happening while we wait.
I’m struggling to work out where the reasonable boundary is between being her daughter and using my knowledge of how the NHS works to advocate for her. Should I leave the pathway to run its course once the treating teams have the relevant information?
I’m very conscious that I don’t want to use being a doctor to seek preferential treatment, and I also know anxiety can make every delay feel intolerable. At the same time, I don’t want to look back and feel I could reasonably have advocated for her and didn’t.
I’d particularly appreciate hearing from doctors who have had a parent/partner with serious cancer/illness. How did you decide when to chase/escalate and when to step back and just be their family member?