u/Tribeless12

i don’t get shit out of telling people about my problems. It almost always just makes it worse or best case scenario very temporary relief. and in worst case scenario, I just spilled my guts to someone I liked UNTIL I saw their reaction to me spilling my guts. And last but not least that wave of shame where I wonder if they will gossip about me or if they view me any different.

i am always there for people in my life; I love providing emotional support because I GET IT. But rarely does someone have the capacity OR understanding (‘even if they do sincerely want to help) to comfort me. Essentially, no one can comfort me. It’s always me and my brain suffering together all alone. I crave connection so badly at the end of the day, not sympathy, and I don’t know why I cannot feel it when I’m in a bad place which is almost always. In fact it’s ruining my decent relationships because they don’t understand why I withdraw.

Hi guys,

My first time posting here, I appreciate reading everyone’s stories.

Lord KNOWS I have read countless of psychology books. Self help. charisma books. Since I was 10, all in desperation to make friends, as I didn’t have many growing up. And yet I see how NATURALLY it comes effortlessly to people who in my humblest opinion come off as apathetic, self absorbed, Or maybe my worst fears — theyre just simple and normal unlike me!

It’s not that no one likes me; it’s that Its very rare I can connect and feel safe with them. It’s that either people don’t like me or they love me, and when they do ‘love me’ I feel suffocated. it feels like another obligation, to be their safe space when I yet don’t feel like they can hold me. I am very good at making people feel safe and like they can be their truest selves, and I’ve prided myself at that skill. However, when I’m down, i feel they can’t hold me, or they do something that triggers me badly enough that I want to end it. My tolerance for any sign of disrespect or disloyalty is ridiculously low, in fact I never met anyone with such a low tolerance. And as a result, I either withdraw, declare a need for immediate resolution which rarely gets met, or end the friendship. And yet for others it’s as simple as “‘don’t talk about it” or “‘it’s not a big deal’. I am now wondering if this is a result of cptsd.

at this point all I can say is I’m demoralized by all kinds of relationships and the sad thing is I deeply desire a tribe. My whole life ive been the lone wolf with passing friends and relationships. Only now I’m recognizing how nothing sticks. It’s all so deeply isolating and I don’t know who to blame.