AITAH for refusing to let my mom attend my wedding because she won't stop demanding I invite the brother who tried to kill me
I (25M) am currently planning my wedding with my fiancée (23F). We’re intentionally keeping it very small with fewer than 20 guests, limited to close friends and immediate family. We want the day to be stress-free and surrounded only by people we genuinely value and want to celebrate with.
Recently, I called my mother (49F) to get her opinion on a potential wedding venue. During the conversation, we started discussing the guest list, and she became very upset when I told her I do not plan to invite my brother (26M).
For context, about four years ago, I was visiting my family during winter break when I got into a serious altercation with my brother. My younger sister (8 at the time) accidentally caused my nephew (1 at the time) to fall and start crying. When my brother heard the commotion, he began screaming at my sister, calling her profanities and berating her for the accident.
I stepped in, removed my sister from the situation, and confronted him. I told him that if he were watching his son instead of doing drugs in the garage (including meth and other substances), the accident never would have happened.
In response, my brother tried to hit me with a skateboard, put a gun to my head, and attempted to stab me. I told him a real man would put the weapons down. My grandmother (70F) intervened and told me to leave. My brother then got in his car and drove off, continuing to threaten me and saying he was going to get his friends to jump and kill me.
Later, he texted our mother that he was going to “stick [me] in the neck, and laugh as he bleeds out.” My mother replied only that he needed to “stop and get help.” That same night, I packed my things and drove back to my college in another state.
Since that incident, my brother and I have not spoken once. During the last few years, he went to prison, completed rehab, was released, and has allegedly remained sober. However, he has never apologized, acknowledged what happened, or attempted to make amends in any way.
Despite this, my family continually tells me I need to “move on” and “get over it,” arguing that he is a different person now. My mother is especially insistent. She argues that he is not truly responsible because he “wasn’t in his right mind” due to his addiction. She says I cannot understand what he was going through because I have never struggled with substance abuse, and therefore it is unfair for me to hold a grudge over something that happened while he was under the influence. Whenever I raise concerns about his behavior, my mother's response is usually, “He’s my son, I have to support him.” When I asked why that support seemed to outweigh concern for me, she explained that, as a recovering addict, she feels a responsibility to stand by him during his recovery.
Now, my mother insists that I must invite my brother to my wedding because excluding immediate family would be wrong. My view is that I have no obligation to be the bigger person, especially when the person who threatened my life has never acknowledged what he did, apologized, or made any effort to repair the relationship.
After years of being told to "move on" and hearing excuses made on his behalf, I finally reached my breaking point. I told my mother that I don't want people at my wedding who continue to minimize what happened or pressure me into reconciling with someone who has shown no remorse. I said that if she couldn't respect my decision and continued insisting that I invite my brother, then she would not be invited either.
AITAH?
Side note: The first time my brother met my fiancée was during a New Year's visit. His very first comment to her was mocking her shoes, saying she must be "too broke" to afford real Air Forces. Before I could even react to that, my grandmother immediately told me to "mind my P's and Q's" and walk away.