u/Trick_Stay5672

Salaam all.

Really looking for some advice from people who have gone through divorce.

For context, I (27, F) was only married for 10.5 months (5 months together, 5.5 months separated and then divorce issued almost 2 months ago now). I requested the divorce due to a whole lot of issues. You can read one of my older posts for some more details: https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNikah/s/HlBM7GbGjK

I gave my husband a chance after I returned from umrah (see linked post above), however the same behaviour continued and so I asked for a separation and came back to my parents. During our separation he was quite upset that i had shared things with my family (my parents barely know anything to this day but my older sisters know) and his family (his parents still to this day don’t know much at all - just that i saw messages between him and a female; they didn’t know what the messages contained as i wanted to preserve his dignity). I did however have to speak to his sister in depth so his family would understand my reasons for wanting to divorce.

During separation i considered going back to him and giving him another chance, however, he said hurtful things to me such as “if you were to marry 100 men, you wouldn’t even be able to keep one of them” and “you couldn’t be anyone’s wife, you’re a joker”. He also said hurtful things about my parents.

I also still had access to his gmail and google account history. He continued to watch haraam, searched up massage parlours and escort services and he also downloaded a dating site a month into separation.

He was in the UK on a student visa which was about to expire 2 months into our separation, our civil registration was coming up, he ended up getting a PSW visa a few months ago, and I feared he was trying to baby trap me too during separation as we met up a few times.

The thing I’m really struggling with is that during those 5.5 months we were separated, he kept begging me for another chance and to go back to him and just see how things go. I kept declining as I knew i couldn’t trust him anymore.

Question is, almost 2 months into divorce, why do I feel guilty for not just giving him another chance? Why do i miss him and miss physically being in his arms? He barely showed me affection and i was definitely receiving breadcrumbs, so what is wrong with me? could it just be that he was the first man i had feelings for and that’s why i feel this way? I’m just broken some days and fine on other days. I know people will comment telling me I’m just attached or trauma bonded or whatever, but I don’t want a diagnosis lol, I just want this feeling of guilt to go away. He was my husband, which is something i took very seriously, and i loved him dearly. No one marries to divorce and once you get married, you imagine a whole life with this person: kids, anniversaries, growing old together. I’m just broken.

The title may seem very odd and inappropriate, but i will provide context.

My ex-husband and I divorced almost 1 month ago. We were only married for 10 ish months so everything was still very new. Unfortunately my husband had done things that i discovered a few months into marriage, so i asked for a divorce after attempting reconciliation etc etc. I thought things through a lot and gave plenty of chances, but this is not what i wanted to discuss in this post.

My husband and I had amazing chemistry and connection when it came to intimacy. I am still in my iddah right now (irrevocable divorce issued), and am finding myself thinking about our intimate moments quite often. It feels so wrong and haraam, and i feel guilty for imagining these moments as we are now no longer married.

I know I am just freshly divorced but i am young and know that realistically i will re-marry few years down the line (if/when Allah has written). I fear I will not find a man with whom i will be as physically and s*xually attracted as I was to my ex husband.

I don’t know how to deal with all these thoughts and the accompanying feelings of yearning, guilt, and sadness that comes with it.

I don’t know if any of this post makes sense but are there any divorcees out there who experienced something similar post divorce? i would appreciate any support.

Please don’t judge me. I’m only human and just don’t know who to speak to about this.

I just got divorced 2 weeks ago and i am currently observing my iddah which means i won’t leave my house unless it’s for work. Every single Eid, all my close relatives get together at one house to celebrate Eid. My family will be going over tomorrow but i will be staying behind at home.

As my divorce is still fresh, I don’t want anyone knowing the news as i am still processing it all. My family are stuck on what excuse to make for why i haven’t joined them. Unfortunately in our family it is very unusual for anyone to skip the Eid get together so people will definitely ask where I am and why i haven’t gone. The explanation/excuse needs to be believable. Any help?

Salaam all. I just got divorced 3 days ago and am struggling massively.

I asked my husband for the divorce but was still deeply in love with him. I gave him 5 months of separation to do anything that showed he actually wanted to get back together. He would ask me a lot in those 5 months if there was a chance we could get back together but there was no talk of what would change, no family involvement from his side (at all), and no action to show me he was trying to change.

He gave me the divorce 3 days ago. He gave me one divorce, however it was talaq ba’in which means it is irrevocable and he automatically became my ex-husband and non-mahram. This has been so difficult for me because within a split second he went from being my husband to no longer being my mahram.

Are there any female divorcees who went through something similar? Divorce while still in love with their ex-husband? I am worried about how my iddah (waiting period) is going to go as I am trying to avoid feeling my feelings and letting them out as the pain has been unbearable.

Salaam all. I (26F) don’t know if this is appropriate to post in this group, however, I have only been married for 10 months. Unfortunately I have separated from my husband and we will be getting divorced very soon. Because I am still very new to marriage I have found that I am now struggling with increased libido post separation. I often want to meet up with my husband just to satisfy my needs (i know this isn’t ideal and we haven’t met in 3 months), however, I am afraid that I will struggle with managing this need post divorce. Alhamdulillah I am not one to watch pornography or self-pleasure, however can someone please help me to navigate this uncomfortable situation I find myself in. I would appreciate any advice.

Also my DM’s are completely closed so don’t try it.