u/Triumph-ant85

Last night I was at a local brewery where I've met several really nice people and befriended some of the staff. I was sitting at the bar minding my own business when I hear a voice shouting from the other corner of the bar. It was a regular that I know no one likes (but he tips well). He said, "what was your name, sir?" twice.

I looked around like there's no way he's talking to me, but he's looking straight at me. I haven't been misgendered in public in nearly a year. Shocked, embarrassed, and pissed, I put down whatever was in my hands and walked determinedly right up to him. He didn't turn to face me. I pushed my breasted chest against his side and firmly said, "do you have a f***ng problem?"

He stammered and said, "I meant ma'am, sorry, I meant to say ma'am". I replied, "yeah", and told the bartender to close me out. She comped my drinks, I walked out and got to my van. I sat down in the seat and started crying my eyes out.

My friend that was working followed me out and tried to comfort me. Come to find out that guy has hooked up with a trans girl in their bathroom multiple times.

Ugh, chasers are the biggest phobes.

I just drove into my new town to start a new life. I've been a uniformed federal employee for 19 years and still technically am, but I took an instructor position in a new state in order to have a fresh start. (My old bosses and coworkers were as transphobic as possible and made sure to persecute me at every chance.)

The consequences of being clocked by anyone that wants to make a stink to management:

- Will not be allowed to grow hair past the middle of my collar or ears, even if I put it up.

- Will not be allowed to wear ANY makeup at work.

- Will not be allowed to wear earrings.

- Will be forced to use men's restrooms.

- Will probably be called "sir", "man", and "bro" all day.

I hadn't been misgendered in months, and had recurring anecdotes that proved I was passing to those individuals, such as having homophobic and transphobic people start talking crap about LGBTQ people thinking I'd agree with them multiple times, or having people I spent numerous hours with express shock when I told them.

However, today, I stopped at a brewery before I even got to my hotel. The first person I saw was another trans woman at the bar. She wasn't really trying to "pass" and still used a very low voice. We struck up a conversation, but I never told her I was trans. I could tell by several things she said that she had clocked me, though. Eventually, it was just out in the open, and we were talking about it.

If I'm that easily clocked, why do I even hope for a new start? I can't afford to quit, and I'm 19/25ths of the way to a lifelong pension. I'm seriously feeling like, if I'm going to be told I'm a man again for 10 hours a day for the next 6 years, I should just end everything. I quit this life.

I'm just hurting today. My wife just opened all the gifts from me and the kids. I got nothing. She says mother's Day is hers and she doesn't want to share it. But I'm a woman and a parent- am I not a mother? She doesn't mean to hurt me. But it hurts.

Update: I tried talking to her about it and zero sympathy for how I feel. We decided that after 20 years, we're going to separate.