u/True_Bobcat1475

As Canadian-American, I cannot imagine what you’re going through with this nonsense. If I could humbly apologize here in this forum, I will. Greenland is not for sale, nor will it ever be. I will take up arms with you all. Please know you are not alone. I’m sorry.

Hillary is often described as a reality television star, entrepreneur, and yoga expert. Yet, she is a complete failure at each and every one of these endeavors. Everything she touches turns to a hot, steaming pile of crap. Her inauthenticity and disgusting grifter’s goals are always apparent to everyone but her. It’s not that she lacks self-awareness; she has absolutely none of it to begin with.

** GirlyWhirl, thanks for inspiring a small project during a work lull! 

Podcasts

I’d rather hear my husband crunch on Triscuits, open-mouthed, than listen to these two dimwits.

The reviews are absolutely brutal on all of these podcasts. She didn’t just stink in this venture; she was an absolute, belly-up, epic flop. No one could tolerate her raspy acento, blatant lies, and knack for interrupting her co-hosts and their guests.

Mom Brain (2018-2020)
Apple Podcasts: 4.10 stars out of 5.00, 1,649 ratings
Spotify: 2.80 stars out of 5.00, 12 ratings

What’s One More? (2021)
Apple Podcasts: 1.90 stars out of 5.00, 989 ratings
Spotify: 1.00 star out of 5.00, 11 ratings

Witches Anonymous (2022-2023)
Apple Podcasts: 1.40 stars out of 5.00, 1,055 ratings
Spotify: 1.30 stars out of 5.00, 519 ratings

Growing Up Together (2025)
Apple Podcasts: 1.60 stars out of 5.00, 117 ratings
Spotify: 1.30 stars out of 5.00, 13 ratings

Average rating: 1.92 stars out of 5.00
Conclusion: FAIL

Brand Partnerships

Shouldn’t the queefer herself be extra careful in this pose?

I know this is not the complete list below, as HaveAnOldFashioned has pointed out several times, Hillary was never pulling in the big bucks as a brand ambassador. Still, she was gaining traction hijacking the Baldwin name, with dreams of becoming the next <gack> Kris Jenner or Sharon Osbourne. She desperately wanted her own line of bath towels, toasters, hand weights, or whatever grimy product she could shill for a buck. Then came Griftmas in December 2020, permanently slamming the door shut on the endorsement business. Much thanks, Leni Briscoe. 

• All Detergent, 2017, “Fresh Clean Essentials”
• Estée Lauder, 2018, “Double Wear Nude Cushion Stick Radiant Makeup”
• Nivea, 2019, “Rethink Soft”
• Spindrift, 2019-2020, “Spindrift Superfan!”
• Bissell, 2020, various
• Cuties Baby Care, 2020, "First-Ever Social Media Ambassador"
• Fisher Price, 2020, various

Total brands at peak, overlapping (2020): 12
Current brand endorsements (2026): 0

Conclusion: FAIL

Actress

Lord and Lady Douchecanoe on an episode of Nightcap (2017).

There’s litra’lee nothing to look at here, but you can’t say she didn’t at least try. Or, Alec sure as hell tried. No one, and I mean NO ONE found her cute, relatable, kind, or believable. Nada. Dull and forgettable, like all of her projects. I mean, who else would she portray on tv other than herself? Me, me, ME!

Blind as Yoga Instructor (2016)
IMDB: 5.80 stars out of 10.00 with 4,800 ratings

Nightcap as Hilaria Baldwin, Season 2, Episode 2 (2017)
IMDB: 5.50 stars out of 10.00 with 605 ratings

Average rating: 5.65 out of 10.00 stars
Conclusion: FAIL

Author

As we often ask, whose face is that? 

I think the Amazon ratings are somewhat padded in her favor, but whatever.  Professor Clowntits still blows as an author. I doubt she contributed a single word to any of this nonsense content to begin with. Hillary simply attempted to brand authorship with the Baldwin name and score some cash. Most reviews on Goodreads are savage, and I’m here for it. 

The Living Clearly Method: 5 Principles for a Fit Body, Healthy Mind & Joyful Life (2016)
Goodreads: 3.71 out of 5.00 stars, 322 ratings
Amazon: 4.30 out of 5.00 stars, 313 ratings 

Manual Not Included (2025)
Goodreads: 2.72 out of 5.00 stars, 271 ratings
Amazon: 3.80 out of 5.00 stars, 88 ratings

Glowing Up: Recipes To Rock Your Natural Beauty (2025)
Goodreads: 1.17 out of 5.00 stars, 6 ratings
Amazon: 3.60 out of 5.00 stars, 40 ratings 

Average rating: 3.21 out of 5.0 stars
Conclusion: FAIL

Bilingual 

Derp! ¿Cómo se dice FRAUD en español?

Hillary had an opportunity to showcase what a babbling bilingual must look like, and she blew it. Spectacularly. Her bathroom floor interview with makeup artist Victor Henao was a disaster. She’s as bilingual as she is witty and charming /s. This woman has never been curious enough about learning the language to know what an actual Spaniard’s ESL accent would sound like, let alone be a competent enough Spanish speaker.

That’s not her only language failure. Time and time again, we’ve seen her pull out tidbits of Spanish, only to nervously stumble and mumble her way through the 10 long seconds she has rehearsed. In English, she’s ripping microphones out of people's hands, and will never shut her tra.! Not once has this happened in a Spanish interview.

Hillary is not bilingual. Case closed. 

Conclusion: FAIL

Social Media Influencer

“Can you follow my wife on Instagram? Can you do that for me please?”

I will not be able to do this one proper justice. On a hooman level, I loathe the talentless and tasteless ‘influencer’ con artists. Clearly, her real Instagram followers are not over one million. There’s no way. The unusually high number mostly reflects bots and paid-for commentarians. What do we think, maybe 10% to 20% are actual viewers who like to watch her stand on her head in ball gowns out of morbid curiosity? 

Nearly all of the comments are the same emoji trio too, over and over and over again. 🔥🔥🔥or ❤️❤️❤️

There is no focus on her platform. The content is insanely dull. She has no message, and takes no stance on anything. Purses, titty-balls, and pulsating on the floor in lingerie. That’s it. Oh, and those mashmillion kids too, I guess. Not even Butters and the entirety of the Defective Collective could inject the public with any interest in her. 

• Instagram followers: 1,034,498 (July 2026)
• TikTok followers: 139,900 (July 2026)
• Hilaria’s World members: 6,400 (May 2025)
• Cameo: 7 total videos (Last video, May 2026)

Her post featuring the foul-mouthed children (July 9, 2026) received 4,187 likes and 258 comments. Let’s see, that barely blips in engagement, given those alleged mashmillion followers.

Conclusion: FAIL 

Fashionista

Best-dressed Latina, y’all. This one. No seriously, THIS one. 👜💄

In 2013, outraged Latinas rightfully cringed when they saw this lot lizard step up to steal an award that 1) should have never been given to her looking that awful, and 2) that she didn’t dutifully correct Latina Magazine on immediately. 

“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not Latina.” - Hillary, never 

The following year, she attempted a clothing line, partnering with Lexington Clothing Company, now permanently closed in Southampton, New York. Womp womp. The line was shockingly hideous and uninspired. The design ideas were stolen outright from solid brands of the type, like Ralph Lauren and J.Crew. 

Hillary even called one of the designs The Alec Shirtdress, priced at $179. Cinched with a belt, it’s ugly af.

Conclusion: FAIL 

Reality TV

“A horse is a horse, of course of course…” 🎶

Her absence of refinement has never been more evident than in these ridiculous reality television shows she’s oddly proud of. She’s working folks; she’s a working gal now! Kick off the heels, and pour this lady a drink. Punching that clock all day is rough business. 

Hillary made such a humiliating spectacle of herself after being voted off DWTS, and will continue to do so into the foreseeable future. The DWTS audience actively campaigned to get rid of this chick after only four episodes; that’s a perfect litmus test to show how much the public detests her. Yet, to this dipshit, it is all booly behavior. Jealous Karens! Each subsequent reality show truly tiers down into the swamp, if that’s even possible.

The Baldwins (2025)
(8) episodes
IMDB: 3.70 stars out of 10.00 with 954 ratings

Dancing with the Stars (2025)
(4) episodes 
IMDB: 5.00 stars out of 10.00 with 11,000 ratings
**Overall score 2005-2025

Nation’s Dumbest (2026)
(13) episodes, Hillary’s contribution unknown
IMDB: TBD rated

Untitled Prime Video Reality Girl’s Trip, aka MILF Island (2026)
(unknown) episodes
IMDB: TBD rated

Conclusion: FAIL 

EXTRA Correspondent

Es slutty, dee mami.

Hillary’s stint as a Lifestyle Correspondent on EXTRA between 2012-2014 was a complete embarrassment. She mingled with Hollywood and entertainment’s elite A-listers. Hugh Jackman. Ricky Martin. Yet, in these interviews, she was never focused on the star sitting in front of her. She would consistently turn the topic of conversation to herself, never focusing on their current projects or career highlights long enough to add any interest to the interview. Hillary stunk at this job; no one could stand her. Always running a publicity stunt in her own interest.

Around this time period, she made countless daytime television appearances on Rachel Ray, Dr. Oz, Wendy Williams, Ellen, and The View. Dozens of other shows. The cooking recipes she presented were inedible. She looked very nervous in the kitchen. Her yoga moves in sky-high heels were laughable. No one found her interesting or likeable. She had nothing to say, and nothing to offer to the audience except her marriage to Alec. 

Conclusion: FAIL

Yogi

Women are womening. Mommy is mommying. Water slide vag is vag-ing.

Hillary’s yoga years are steeped in controversy, and I do not want to topically cover the subject without noting it first. Her association with convicted criminal Greg Gumucio will come as no surprise at all. To follow this rabbit hole, dig into this post from One-Pause3171 with plenty of links and comments to follow-up on. JillYogi has some first-hand accounts of this period. 

The lies about Hillary’s yoga experience have varied from her role as an instructor, supervisor, co-owner and director. As is everything with this fraud, the timeline of this period is murky and not at all linear. 

On the Wendy Williams show in 2017, Hillary lays down the whopper that she has opened four yoga studios in Manhattan, whereas only two studios seem to fit her limited experience. She certainly never “opened” these places herself. 

Yoga to the People (2005-2008 estimated)
Instructor

Yoga Vida (2008-2010 estimated)
Instructor

What, five years total in the yoga business qualifies as an ‘expert’? Untrained, and not certified? 
These days, her yoga skills are limited to getting down on the floor, and dry humping the rug in her bedroom. No fluid studio movements, no savasana. Nada. 

Recently, when asked if was a certified yoga instructor, she simply replied, “Yup.”

Conclusion: FAIL

Environmentalist

Gal needs a caffeine fix RIL bad! ☕️🚬

This one is a breeze. The photo evidence speaks for itself. We’ve all seen exactly how she doesn’t give one ripped shit about the environment. 

• Once, twice-daily trips for coffee drinks in disposable cups with more coffee pods at home
• Endless containers of delivery food, piles of ketchup and soy sauce packets 
• Constant running water in sinks, showers, flushing toilets, laundry, two baths daily  
• Two giant Escalades with daily runs in New York City, idling, gassed-up and ready to roll
• Hundreds, thousands of diapers used and tossed out
• An endless sea of plastic junk toys, plastic storage tubs, synthetic blankets and rugs 
• Polyester fast-fashion for growing children lasting a few months and thrown in the bin
• Ultra-processed food boxes, and layers of packaging waste
• Daily Amazon delivery boxes piled high throughout the house
• Poor-quality Wayfair-ish furniture and accessories made of cheap MDF and plastics

Conclusion: FAIL 

Professional Dancer

Danced in “ahlotta places”. UK, China, and Secaucus, NJ, USA

Let’s be clear. Hillary started dancing baby ballet at two years old, then mastered flamenco and the Sevillanas because her whole family lives in Spain. Oh wait, this is a diversion from the previous story. Apparently, it all began as a young child when Hilaria danced ballet, flamenco and did gymnastics. Yeah, that’s it. International Latin ballroom dancer at 13 years old, and competed professionally from then on. No wait, she clarifies later that she is only an amateur. Well, who tf knows or cares.

If you are trained as a professional Latin dancer, shouldn’t you absolutely slay your competition on say, a nationally-televised dance competition featuring the same thing?

Professional or amateur, Hillary’s lies pile up quickly on this topic. She absolutely did join the extracurricular dance classes at NYU. The problem is, she didn’t major in it. Anyone can attend classes with a passion for Salsa! I think that’s what the instructors love most about these classes. No professionals invited.  

I assume then all trained professionals in this case would simply point to the dance troupe, and the history of their involvement, then say, that’s it. This was my group, and we danced at highly-regarded competitions all over the world, likely in Barcelona, Buenos Aires and Bogota.

Nope. We got, “ahlotta playces.”

Conclusion: FAIL 

Pet owner and PETA spokesperson

What happened to Diego Manchego?. I hate her. 

This one really sticks in my craw.

I found a cat in a Circle-K parking lot once, and she was not at all feral. Some cruel idiot had  dumped her off in a quick move out of town. I scooped that baby up, put her in my car, and drove home to my husband with my other two cats in our small apartment. 

My Husband: “You absolutely cannot keep that cat.”
Me: “Ok, but she can stay with us until we find her a proper, loving home? Deal?”

For eight years after, Jenny lived a comfortable life with free rein of the place. My husband would even buy her specialty paté blends of food because she didn’t care for the dry stuff like the plebs she lived with. We adored her. 

That’s what it’s all about. Loving the scallywags, the rascals. The lost and lonely ones with no chance of a home.

PETA spokesperson is a travesty for this twat; shame on PETA. This idiot collects animals, and sticks them indoors, in plastic cages, to shit and piss all over themselves. No love, no dignity. No further thought of their wellbeing. She thinks animal testing of cosmetics is the sole reason PETA exists. Yes, they bring awareness to that. Hillary doesn’t love animals though; she loves accessories. Pets, babies, purses, diamonds, lingerie. No thought whatsoever to her pet’s nurturing and care, just like her human beings.

Conclusion: FAIL, FAIL, FAIL

My friends always ask me, reluctantly. “Why do you care about Hilaria Baldwin?” It’s simple. She gets away with it. Over a decade, and no one has held her accountable. Attempts have been made, and failed. She has dodged responsibility for over a decade. It’s disgusting. She literally churns my stomach.  

This list isn’t even complete though! Let’s not forget: wellness expert, cook, sister, daughter, mother. Fail, fail, fail. It’s endless. 

I need a drink. Enjoy your Saturday! 

Where are they now?

Let me preface this by saying I am NO ReadyBat (please, please come back RB!) but I have a nasty summer cold today, and I’ve been wondering for a while now, “What happened to all of Hillary’s besties?” I’m stuck inside, trying my best to avoid my well-meaning husband who insists his old-world remedies are what I need to end this cold. BLAH. Leave me alone!

Fine print: Sources are our lovely sub, IG, or publicly available sites like LinkedIn. I’m not attaching links to any of these losers to avoid rule-breaking, or giving them bumps in numbers on their socials. The photos are the most recent I could find. 

Here we go, in no particular order:

My name is Lucifer, and I will be coming for your eternal soul

Name: Jared Riccardi
AKA: BK Jared, Burger King Jared
Relation to Hillary: Former hairstylist, and <clears throat> possible contact for the feel-good stuff
Status: INACTIVE

Currently: Hairstylist with Rita Hazan, part-time hamburger monster and professional Satan impersonator

Jared presently works as a stylist at an Upper East Side salon. His chair is a quick 15-minute hop in the Escalade from The Sky Dungeon. Por que no contact with Mamí then? Oh that’s right <checks notes>, she was completely toxic to his budding style brand. I would love to hear what he says about Hillz to his fellow roid monsters out on Fire Island after a bit too much Don Julio.

Ew, why is she always wet?

Name: Michelle Campbell Mason
AKA: Michelle Who, Mich Who
Relation to Hillary: Former podcast co-host on the nil-rated Witches Anonymous
Status: INACTIVE

Currently: Self-proclaimed entrepreneur, scarecrow and melting wax dummy

Not much has changed with Michelle Who. This hag is still completely self-absorbed, who also claims to be a film maker and jewelry designer. Her life’s purpose now is bringing us poors a mix of history and skin care while she eye-fucks herself. Not even kidding, if you have a sick need to torture yourself or someone else, go listen to her ramble about Emperor Tiberius while she slathers herself in what I assume is a pickling solution. 

Whispers of summer in pink! &lt;barf&gt;

Name: Violet Gaynor
AKA: I dunno, Haggy Holly Hobby?
Relation to Hillary: Wife of David Nugent, associate of Alec via the Hamptons International Film Festival
Status: INACTIVE 

Currently: Mom-fluencer, fartsy cutesy mommy, former editor at Instyle and complete shill

Violet seems to be presently sleazing around the Hamptons, doing what exactly we may never know. This lady actually named two human beings Plum and Rome, which I personally find infuriating. She loves to wear flowing, floral prints, and push her Strawberry Shortcake sweetness a little too hard. Is she a complete bitch in real life? My vote is yes. I believe she loathed every second of contact with Guest Baldwin, but the connection to the Baldwins was essential to fundraising for the Hampton’s Film Festival at that time. 

I’m REALLY a photographer. Really. See my camera? SEE IT?

Name: Eroula Dimitriou
AKA: Rou, Dummy-dumbhead 
Relation to Hillary: Former boudoir HB photographer and fellow grifter
Status: INACTIVE

Currently: Crap photographer of families, kids, mommies, boobies and butts

Where do we start with Rou? She’s still out there shooting crap pics for the wealthy who want the world to believe they’re actually approachable human beings. She’s infamous in our Pepino community for <snort giggles> her horrendous photo session with Fraudwina in a puddle of milk, looking like a freshly broken egg in a yellow dress. What else can we say about Rou? She’s totally complicit in legitimizing the moonbump pregNOTcies, and promoting the Momfluencer Grift without conscience. 

I like to sniff chalk erasers and eat school glue

Name: Justin Wainwright
AKA: Styrofoam cup, Stapler
Relation to Hillary: Guncle, husband of Tapeworm Yoel Najer
Status: LURKING

Currently: Works in aerospace insurance, professional dullard

Justin seems to enable his husband’s icky grift, and by extension enables the Queen Grifterella herself. He definitely loved to get his face in front of the camera lens when it benefited him; the long ago days of red carpet events, or whenever the Daily Mail came sniffing around for ‘candid’ shots. 

This guy bores me already. <tosses notes>

Street begging for booze is a crime, David 

Name: David Gonzalez 
AKA: No, the other boring Guncle 
Relation to Hillary: Guncle, co-owner of Aurora and Emporio with the help of Alec Baldwin
Status: LURKING

Currently: Allegedly running Aurora SoHo with his husband, Markus Dorfmann, fame-whoring and snapping at poorly-paid staff

David blew the roof off with our favorite Cebolla Scandal. It was a true Griftmas gift for all of us Pepinos in December, 2024. Did he intentionally give it to us, or didn’t he? According to Pepinos, he left his IG wide open to the public. His stories highlighted a cooking competition between him and Larry, filmed by the uber-creep Markus. Hillary squawks endlessly in her Speedy Gonzalez affectation, sniffs the lid of the super-complicated tortilla she’s cooking, and is clearly zooted out of her mind. Not to be missed if you haven’t seen it! My bets are on David as a lurking Pepino.