r/HilariaBaldwin

Well, I received my first 'a concerned redditer' message. I can only assume this is Hillary's doing.

Don't worry, Hillz. I'm fine. 😂

That's almost cutting the trip in half!

The options are:

• Occam's razor: The trip was always scheduled to be 17 days, and Larry just lied, to pitifully try to make herself and the kids 13 days more Spanish. We'll know it was this if she references this trip going forward as them having spent "a month" or "(the month of) July" there.

• Her parents and/or her brother and SIL had had it with her histrionic bullshit, and told her it was time to go. Not that they control the island, and I'm sure Larry and the kids weren't even staying with them, but if the purpose was to spend time with the family, i.e. video and photo ops for social media, and if they weren't playing along, and it's obvious that they weren't, I could see her getting out of dodge. Then again, I could easily see her stubbornly spite-staying, too.

• Larry was freaked out by how much Alex was enjoying his Larry and the kids-free summer, and had to race back to make his life miserable again.

• It was just way more work for Larry, even with invisible nannies, and she threw in the towel.

It's interesting to note that on the two occasions where extended time with the kids was involved, things were cut short.

Alex supposedly cut the filming of their reality show short by WEEKS, and the show was just him hanging out with his wife and kids. And if you think back, he was almost always just with Larry, and almost never with the kids. iirc, it was just that one totally organic 🙄 arts and crafts thing at that park, and the "welcome back from your manslaughter trial!" moment in front of the Hamptons house, where he shook his oldest son's hand. As you do.

And now this trip, where Larry was flying "solo" 🙄 with the kids, gets cut almost in half.

I'm sensing a theme.

reddit, your thoughts?

The first thoroughly stupid competition, appropriately called the, “Logic Test” revolves around 12 light bulbs. Oh my.  They show cartoon graphics of light bulbs at this point so even the stupidest person can follow along.
The D-Listers have to figure out which light bulb is faulty, and then replace it.  I kid you not. The light bulbs only turn on when their hands press the light switch but wait! Twist! The bulbs are obstructed from their view so they can’t see them!  Oh dear, this looks to be something that will require the brain of a rhesus monkey to complete. They have props that MAY help them, but they’re not allowed to stack them to hold down the switch.They have two minutes. What? Stacking props?

They each have one attempt at replacing a bulb. Throwback! The lightbulbs are screwed into the elephant lamp from the Breakfast Club!  Shoutout to Judd Nelson because I had a mad crush on him when this movie came out but I guess this is a plug for Anthony Michael Hall.

He’s the first to go, promptly fucks it up by completely not even understanding the task. He hits the switch, goes to look at the lightbulbs and says, “They’re not on”  Even the host looks at him like he’s daft. Anthony loses this round because he says he doesn’t understand. Wow.

I had figured out before they even started, that the way to “win” would be to hold down the switch for a minute of your 2 minute time so all the bulbs except the bad one lit up.  Then, go feel each bulb for heat and the one that was stone cold is the one that needs changing. Right? Duh.  I have surpassed a rhesus monkey.

Hilly Mae is up next.  She is wearing the lime green, pseudo Catholic girls school outfit and for some insane reason, she has her straw hair done up in a weird tight braid. She is wearing stiletto white heels with her school girl look, and let me tell you folks, without the magic filters, she’s a tad frightening.  Her neck veins are absolutely scary, she looks at least 10 years older than she is, and she has some major lines around her mouth. Her make up looks like it was applied by someone who hates her, harsh and unflattering. She has so much blush on that her cheekbones look like they could cut paper.

Her patter with the host is her saying she’s great at changing bulbs because, “Can you imagine Alec Baldwin changing a light bulb”? She says this with a tilt of her head and eyeroll. She’s working it folks. She’s an actress!  She has all these weird earrings all over her ears, 3 in one ear, only one in the other. They look ridiculous.

OMG!! Her time starts and she struts like only a hooker can, right over to the light bulbs and starts manhandling the trunks of the elephant lamps so she can shake the bulbs. This of course, allows her to bend over in her, oh so short skirt, looking like an 80’s calendar girl leaning over a 69 Chevy.
The host is like, wtf?  WTF are you doing?
Hilly unscrews one light bulb and the host looks completely befuddled, while asking AGAIN, what are you doing?
Hilly has adopted a Chola attitude and says, “Well, y’know what? It sounds broken to me.”  She struts over to the switch, which is the first thing she should’ve done, and presses it.
She of course did not pick the right bulb. She makes a sharp turn on her stilletto and sashays out the door, all the while shaking the bulb that she has now stolen from the challenge.
Un-fucking-believable.

John, whatever his last name is, because I have NO clue who he is has figured out that the heat from the bulb is his “light bulb” moment and he WINS, or loses, whatever the fuck is going on.
JoJo, Ice, Yang, and somebody else I don’t know also figure out the heat thing.  Dr. Drew fails miserably and he wants to be kicked off the show asap as he has had a new grandchild he hasn’t seen.  Sure, Jan. That’s the reason.  The real reason is, is that he knows this show is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen and he is soon to be a laughing stock for even participating. Even Carmen Electra figured it out. Does that mean she’s smarter than Dr. Drew?
Dr. Drew sees the next challenge and fears he will never leave, and never get to see his grandchild because he will die of embarrassment first.

The next test is a mind-blowing test. The “class” will be wearing a hardhat with a balloon attached  that will start to inflate. The host will ask a question, and If they answer his question correctly, it will stop inflating, if they get it wrong, they’re asked another question that they try to answer before the balloon explodes.
I’m hoping when it pops, they get slimed because at this point, I’m convinced that Nickelodeon has constructed these “test”
Before they even start, Dr. Drew starts whining about him being there instead of at home with his family and new grandson, and that with the hat on, he looks like the clown and the carnival where you squirt water in it’s mouth to blow up the balloon. Now THAT would’ve been a good twist to this game. A bottle of seltzer is squirted into their open mouths if they get a question wrong!
Jesus, does he need money this bad? What happened to all his money? I fear that Dr. Drew did not make wise decisions in regards to investing and/or spending because HE CAME ON THIS SHOW.

General Knowledge questions ,that a 6th grader can answer, begin. They’re doing this in sets of four students at the time.
Carmen gets a correct answer regarding the male anatomy and when she says, “TESTICLES” Hilly starts jumping up and down in her seat while wildly clapping, scrunching her face up, and baring her teeth. She looks like an organ grinder's monkey.

Anthony Michael is out first with the question, “What is the last letter in this question?” He stared blankly for a long time until his balloon popped. I'm worried for him.
Hilly’s turn comes.
Hilly whines that her group is the “nerds”
Her question is, “A popular term for getting intimate on a date is Netlix & ?  Hilly answers SEX. Her balloon keeps inflating as the host bullets out the next question, “Popular television dermatologist Sandra Lee is..before he gets out the rest, Hillary screams, “Dr. Pimple Popper!” Her carotid artery bulges to an alarming degree. Her balloon stops filling. The students not participating tell her the correct answer to the Netflix question and she does her eyeroll and tongue thrust. They cut to a side interview where she says, “I’ve been with my husband for over 15 years. Nobody’s ever asked me to Netflix & chill.”  No shit. She has to constantly bring up Alec to make herself relevant because people are wondering, who the fuck she is.
Hilly actually wins because she was the last to receive a question so her balloon is not filling at the rate of the others in her group because they had more questions given.
This challenge, and I use that word loosely, is all based on your position in “line” The last person in the line wins.

Hilly jumps out of her chair, thrusts her tetas out, takes a complete twirl and then performs a curtsy while crowing with her hands against her face like Kevin in Home Alone, that she can’t BELIEVE she beat Andrew Yang. 

This is exhausting.

The next test is the group is split in two. They are standing on a beam over a bouncy slide rigged to look like a dictionary. The host gives them a word, and the first person starts by saying the first letter, second person says the second letter and so on and forth.
Hilly’s team gets the word “Phlegm”  Carmen, who is first in line, and Ice-T look stricken.
Carmen comes up with “F”, omg..please stop this show.  Hilly, second in line says the correct letter, “H”.  Carmen takes a header into the bouncy house, but not before dramatically saying that she cannot jump down because she doesn’t want to land on her hand, and that from all her dancing, she has injuries, so she needs help. The group collectively does an eyeroll because she’s acting like a diva, she’s out.
Hilly’s next word is embarrass, they fuck it up, so Hilly has to jump. She has changed out of her Whores r Us heels and she’s wearing tennis shoes.  She jumps and then sits up like she’s at the Olympics and does her standard arm and hand moves that she uses when she “dances”.  She’s out.

On to the FINAL EXAM, but not before BOTH Dr. Drew and Andrew Yang moan that they want OFF the show because they have families and don’t want to be humiliated anymore. They feel they’re the smarty pants anyway so one of them is going home after the final exam. Dr. Drew says again, “I want to see my grandson.” Cry me a river Doc.

The final exam consists of questions and they have little chalkboards to write their answers.Last man standing gets to go home.
First question is “What does the G stand for in the popular acronym, ROYGBIV?
Pepinos…Hilly muses and says “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?”  There’s not even a “G” in that! She just wanted to plug a show she desperately wants to be on.
Oh, clever chica.
That’s not her answer, her answer that she chicken scratched onto the board was,”Great” and she’s eliminated. Back to the classroom she goes!
She puts her hands on her hips and swings back and forth while pouting, “It was not a good day for me” *Stamps foot* 

Back to the action, the question is, “What is the main ingredient of tofu”,  Steve-O puts down “curd” Dr. Drew puts down soybean.  Steve-O reveals he’s got this in the bag because he is vegan and tofu is bean curd.  WRONG ANSWER STEVE-O, you just wrote “curd” dumbass.  Steve-O is extremely pissed and argues that he is right. When told no, he takes his little blackboard and throws it, eliciting gasps from the other contestants. He says, “I got done dirty” and stalks out.
High Drama!
Dr. Drew WINS!!  He’s SO grateful that he can go home and see his family. He feels such joy and gratitude that he’s off this stupid fucking show.
Hilly Mae lives to see another taping.

Anyone watch it tonight?