My girlfriend (F34) slapped me (M28) I don’t know what to do? I feel conflicted.
We were a hotel. We’ve been drinking. We were talking. We got in the conversation of lust. My girlfriend said I’m not lustful towards her. I told “I am. I’m the one that always initiate sex.” I touch her, I kiss her and everything. Sometimes she says no sex, just cuddle. In the past she said that I have to more aggressive and not take no as an answer when it comes to sex with her. So I don’t take no as an answer and I force myself onto her to have sex. Recently I felt, I guess, dirty in a way. It feels like I’m doing something wrong, even though it consensual. I don’t like the feeling that I’m taking advantage of her when she says no. I told her that lately I don’t feel wanted by her either. When I’m getting into it, she stops me. I told her that she doesn’t touch me like she did. Sometimes it feels like I’m forcing her to touch me. I said all this. And it went a different direction. She started going off on how doesn’t know if she’s my type or if I’m gay and so on. She said that her coworker lust over her and he tells her all these things but she stops herself because she’s with me. He told my girlfriend, he wants her as his girlfriend. She said if that coworker was in my shoes at this very moment, he would be all over her. I know that coworker and he’s a serial cheater and everybody knows that. So I told my girlfriend, “you’re always questioning my loyalty even though I never did anything behind your back but you’re thinking about your coworker(whose always cheating with other women) and you’re believing him that if you guys end up together he won’t cheat on you. Help me understand that!” She said “I just do.”
She switched the topic after. She asked if I had an instagram. I told yes, I just made one. She asked why? I said “ I follow tattoo artists and I’m looking for my next tattoo” She said “let me see.” So I gave her my phone and she started looking through instagram. Keep in mind we’re drunk. So I’m dozing off while she’s checking. Next thing I know, I feel a slap across my face and her yelling at me. I was shocked. I never expected her to hit me. She kept yelling “who are these people and why are they women?” She was talking about the suggested people. I told her “I don’t know. I don’t follow them. You can see I only follow 4 people and they’re tattoo artists” She started yelling “why is my best friend popping up for you?! Do you want her? Is she your type? Nobody wants her but you do? Are you stalking people? You’re so shady! Why didn’t you tell me you had an instagram account? You already have tattoos, why do you need an instagram for tattoo artists?” Then, she threw my phone on my face. I was trying to explain to her. But she wasn’t listening. She just kept calling me shady and a cheater. She got my phone again and started going through it. She was searching things up on why these girls were popping up for me as suggestions. She found something online saying that I interacted with them. I never did such a thing. I never messaged anyone on instagram. She didn’t believe me. She threw my cell on the bed and fell on the floor. She just kept saying we are so over! Then, she asked if I was on dating apps. I said no. I went to the App Store and show her that I never downloaded any dating apps. She said you’re just using your computer for it.
I got mad and started getting defensive. I told her “ The only person who’s shady is you! You cheated on me. You said it didn’t count because it was a girl. I’ve told you in the past, I want us to be monogamous. I don’t want you with anyone but me and that includes other women. You were okay with it. I only reason I found out you cheated on me because you told on yourself when you were drunk. I brought it up afterwards and you were shocked that you told me that. You said that weren’t going to tell me until we went somewhere for vacation so you can sit me down. You ended the conversation with ‘I see how much this hurt you, next time if this happens again, I won’t tell you’. I continue telling her that wasn’t the only time she told me. She literally told me she kissed her serial cheater coworker. So I went off on that. I told her that she lied that she blocked and deleted his number. She tried showing me her messages with him. She was like ‘look we don’t even talk’ I told her because you deleted those messages. She stayed quiet. I said the only person who’s shady is you and you know it. Being accused doesn’t feel good,huh? So why do it to me,when I’ve done nothing but you are.” She kept saying “but I told you what I did” I said that still doesn’t make it okay.
She started packing her bags and called an uber. I followed her to bring her back inside but she wouldn’t. I waited with her until her uber arrived. We started arguing again. I told her I was tired of her treated her feelings as facts and that she’s always right. She kept bringing up my instagram account. She said “not once did I tell her about my account. I didn’t say sorry that I had an account or promise that I’ll delete it.” I said I didn’t know it was such a big deal. She slapped me again. She said “ I’m never going to forget this. How you made me feel or how you let me get an uber home. I hate you. I don’t want to see ever again!” Her uber came and that was it.
What can I say? I don’t want to leave things how they are now. I’m still shocked that she hit. Even though it happened a couple hours, I still feel the sting. I’m hurt that she was capable of doing something like that. I feel so conflicted, I love her but now I’m kinda scared. All I’m thinking is what else is she capable of doing, it started with a slap than what’s gonna be next? I’m honestly thinking of calling it quits on this relationship. I don’t feel like chasing her and making amends. What could’ve I done differently?