I’ve gone NC with MIL, but my husband hasn’t
And it is, not surprisingly, creating problems.
My husband is extremely kind and loving, which is definitely a good thing. He has a hard time implementing boundaries.
I, on the other hand, am over her behavior. There’s a laundry list of things she has done recently at the bottom.
I have chosen to go NC with her. My husband has not, but he tells me he respects and understands my decision.
Today, she invited herself over for Thanksgiving. My husband told me I was being unreasonable when I said I would leave if she came over, and because I wasn’t going to be around her, she could not come on Thanksgiving day. I want to be with my kids on Thanksgiving, and I won’t let her take that from me. I told my husband she could come over on a day before the holiday, and I would leave, but that I wouldn’t see her.
It really upsets me that he acts all supportive of me until the rubber meets the road, and then he thinks I’m being unreasonable. I told him so. It also annoys me that she’s invited herself over. I don’t know what she’s expecting—we live 8 hours away from her, we have no guest room, and my husband works all week days except for the holiday. With the exception of whatever day they celebrate, she and FIL won’t have access to me or the kids.
This boundary is important to me. I don’t trust this woman. I don’t like her. She doesn’t treat me with respect, nor does she treat my husband with respect. She takes advantage of him constantly (he has a very useful skill set thanks to his job). My husband has tried talking to her about everything in the past, multiple times, and nothing changes. Most of the talks end with her saying that I’m doing something to cause all the problems, (which isn’t true, according to multiple people, including my husband). She is a volatile and controlling woman who has no ability to hold her tongue or respect other people, their homes, or their roles.
Anyway, I guess I’m here looking for validation or helpful advice.
Recent laundry list of craziness:
- my husband and I were going to take out a heloc because we were going through a bad financial moment. She and FIL offer (we did not ask) to loan the money for a much lower interest rate. We declined the bank loan at the last minute (which had taken YEARS to obtain because we had just started a small business and needed two years of tax returns), and the very next day she says, “never mind!” She said she wasn’t comfortable with the amount. Turns out she needed money to pay for BIL’s divorce attorney because he cheated on his wife.
- she told me I needed to bounce back when I was 3 days post partum
- when I was 10 days post partum, she came to visit and was upset that I took a nap while the baby napped. Apparently I was supposed to be entertaining her.
- she sends me and my SIL (who also married in) parenting “tips” about not using screen time. She doesn’t include the fathers on the texts.
- she lives far away, and she doesn’t bother telling us she dropping by until she’s about 30 minutes away.
- she criticizes every single parenting decision I make
- she monitors what I eat when I order food
- she gives out my number to strangers so they can text me with advice about whatever situation I’m in, which means she’s telling everybody my problems
- she got mad at me when I wouldn’t watch her neighbor’s kids because they had some sort of emergency. Apparently she’d told the neighbor I could watch them without asking me. I was across town and at a doctor appointment for my own kid. (This is when she lived down the street)
- she favors the younger son, who is a terrible human being. She bought him a house, while the loan she was about to give us had to be paid with interest.
- she makes every event about her and her problems.
- I had a baby during Covid, so the baby shower her daughter was going to throw was cancelled. She said she’d throw me one for the second child. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for her to say something. Finally, at 7 months pregnant, my husband asked about it, and she snarled at him and acted like he was incredibly rude for asking.
- when my mom threw me a shower for #3 because I hadn’t had one at that point, we only invited local family. MIL threw a fit because only half her family was invited. Keep in mind, I had no local family. MIL kept whining and asking for more people to be invited, which I refused. Finally we learned that she only had wanted to invite all these people because she owed them favors.
- she harassed my mother about the guest list until my mom had to send a polite “fuck off” text
- she showed up unannounced to the hospital with number 3 while I was breastfeeding.
- she questions my parenting decisions in front of the kids.
- I once won a year supply of Chick-fil-A gift cards, and she was upset that my husband wasn’t giving them out to her family members. He had to slowly explain that they were my cards to give out, not his, and even if they were, he wouldn’t give them away lol
- she brought dinner over after the baby was born, which is nice, but she would only bring things she thought I should eat, not that I wanted to eat. I know this sounds bratty, but who wants quinoa and steamed veggies while recovering from a c-section? Who wants pasta and marinara with veggies in it? I know this makes me sound bad, but when she had her knee replacement, I made that woman pescatarian food for a solid week. I knew and made what she liked.
- she will text me to ask if my husband is working like he should
I could go on. Thisf is just off the top of my head. She is mean, critical, loud, controlling, untrustworthy, and dishonest. She has no emotional maturity, and when she doesn’t get her way she throws a fit.