At 29, What I Actually Feel
At the age of 29 Female, I look around and realize that almost everyone I know is married, settled, and moving forward with their lives. And here I am—29, broke, unmarried, and still carrying so many ambitions that I haven’t been able to turn into reality. I have dreams, but somehow, I keep falling short of achieving them. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not even able to compete with the person I once imagined I would become.
I’ve somehow managed to survive the later years of my twenties in survival mode. I believed in things. I dreamed about them. I imagined the life I wanted, sometimes down to the smallest details. I truly believed that, one day, I would have the things I had been working and hoping for. But here I am, looking back at these years and realizing that I haven’t achieved even one of the things I once dreamed about.
Some days, I genuinely feel like a failure.
And yet, somewhere deep inside, I still trust the process. I still believe that maybe my life is taking a different path, even though I don’t understand why it has to be this difficult. It has been more than six years of telling myself, “It will be okay someday.” But someday keeps getting farther away, and lately, it feels like things are only getting harder with each passing day.
I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get there. I don’t know how I’ll become the person I’ve always dreamed of becoming or how I’ll reach the life I’ve imagined for myself.
But I’m still here.
Still trying. Still dreaming. Still hoping.
Maybe that counts for something, too.