u/Tyothopaze_

Ça y est j’ai trouvé ma première mygale dans ma chambre, les temps sont durs… je l’ai courageusement aspirée, foutu de l’insecticide partout et j’ai scotché le bout du tuyau pour éviter qu’elle ressorte me mordre les orteils pendant la nuit. Je culpabilise mais cette vie perdue aura permis de sauver la mienne (je sentais mon âme partir)

Les arachnophobes vous faites comment ? Je sais qu’on peut être complètement disproportionné avec les phobies, j’étais à deux doigts d’appeler la police pour qu’un agent vienne la sortir

Need some advice: things are going really badly with my girlfriend.

Things have been tense between us for several weeks now. She lives in another city, a 3-hour train ride away, where she went to study, and we have a sort of arrangement for the weekends: she comes to see me twice a month, I go to see her once a month, and there’s once in the month when we don’t see each other at all.

When I go to see her, we usually stay together because we don’t know anyone in town, but when she comes to our hometown , she usually spends time with her family and friends. Unfortunately, she’s still often the one who decides when things happen in terms of who comes, and often when I try to plan a visit to “her” city, she’s not available or she’s already planned to come here to see her family, whom she’s very close to. So clearly I got to her less often than she comes to see me, despite my best efforts.

I think she feels resentful and tired of “having” to come, even though I obviously don’t force her and she comes very often for things she’s planned herself. She explained to me once that she expects me to have cooked dinner and cleaned up when she comes over, which I understand and try to do even while working full-time as a medical intern. I admit that most of the time she doesn’t really like what I cook, but she does enjoy certain ready-made meals I buy knowing it will make her happy.

Let’s get to the current issue: a week ago, she came over for a long four-day weekend, during which she spent several half-days seeing her friends, and there was her uncle’s birthday, so we spent a whole day with her in-laws. Of course, I was happy to do it, but none of them speak French very well, and some aren’t even aware of our (same-sex) relationship, so it always takes a while, and we got home late. Finally, there was Sunday, when she was leaving early in the afternoon because she wanted to get home early. And then she asked me to drive her to the station. Since I was too tired after that long weekend, I didn’t really feel like it, so I apologized and told her not this time. She insisted that I walk her to the bus stop, and I walked part of the way with her before heading home. I think she was really upset with me about that, and I apologized. Looking back, I think I could have made an effort. I felt like I’d already done a lot for her and I didn’t have any energy left to give…

Last week, I went with her to a film festival in a small town she really wanted to visit (she’s passionate about it), and I had a wisdom tooth extraction scheduled for the following Wednesday. During the way to the festival I told her I was anxious about it and asked if she could be there the weekend after the surgery because it would reassure me not to be all alone. She said no, that she was tired and had planned to rest that weekend. I felt really alone and disappointed; I had tears in my eyes. After a few minutes, I told her that I was still disappointed because it was stressing me out a lot and that several friends had advised me not to be alone afterward. She sighed, but said, “Okay, fine, then I’ll come,” and shut down; she stopped talking to me. I tried to probe further, and she finally told me she felt like I didn’t care about her and brought up the whole thing about taking her to the train station again. Anyway, we argued, break-up was mentione, and in the end she agreed to come, and that was that. We spent the rest of the day watching movies and we didn’t talk about it

In the end, my dental surgery (wisdom teeth remova) went very well and I’m not in any pain, so I’m starting to worry about how she’ll react, since I insisted that she come over and now that everything’s actually fine. So I call her and explain that it wasn’t so bad, and that if it’s okay with her, she can stay home because I’ll be able to manage on my own. I apologize and thank her for agreeing to come, while telling her that if she still wanted to come, i would be really happy to see her. I can tell she’s fed up; she tells me she feels like she’s at my beck and call but that she’ll come anyway “because that’s how she planned it.”

I feel trapped and alone; I know this weekend Will be painful and that she resent me. I have a meeting on sunday and I know that if I take time to go, she will be even more resentful that i made her come to the city… (it’s to discuss a play with my theater group, quite important but I dont feel like telling her that)

I can tell we no longer have the energy to consider each other’s experiences. I don’t know what to do.