I want him back
hi, I recently got out of a relationship that I can see was very emotionally abusive. I am 22 and he was 32, I caught him liking sexual pics of 18yr old girls and I broke up with him. I notice every single time he would apologize, he would later do something that would upset me.
First time: he argued and had an attitude when I didn't accept his apology
Second time: he gropes me again in my sleep (even though we are broken up) and I told him to sleep on the couch the next night cause I didn't feel safe. He kept walking around the door and at some point tried ways to get in. (At this point I had the doors locked and window curtains closed)
Third time: he kept making comments and getting an attitude whenever I would leave the house
4th time: he kicked me out on the day I wanted to go hang out with a friend
Now I am beyond hurt and angry, I have posted awareness of who he was on my social media (showing text evidence and recordings) because I notice he followed other young girls and I felt like they deserve to know. He has posted things about me being a stealer and a bum (really ironic coming from him cause he stole from his own family multiple times). I have my mental completely shattered. I have went on rants about how much I hate him. Every single time he contacts me we would have fights, I have posted that I wanted to get violent to him. My drinking has worsen, I have stopped taking care of myself. My self harm has increased to where it hurts too much to shower. All day I just hate and hate and I completely lost the person I was.
yet through all of this, I still love him. I still have care for him. I still have thoughts of us being happy.i want these thoughts to stop. I don't want to keep going back and forward with myself. I have love and hate for myself and him. Why do I want him back?