AITAH for asking my wife to rehome the English bulldog puppy we got three days ago?
AITA for asking my wife to rehome the English bulldog puppy we got three days ago?
My wife and I have around $100k in total debt, including student loans, credit cards, and other debt. I’ve been aggressively paying down my credit card debt for months, often leaving myself with less than $100 in my bank account after payments.
My wife has always wanted an English bulldog because of an emotional connection to one she had in the past. I wasn’t against getting a dog, but I was very against getting an English bulldog specifically. I was worried about the breed’s common health issues, breathing problems, possible vet bills, and the fact that we live in an apartment. The dog is 8 months old and already around 40 lbs.
I told my wife I didn’t think this was financially responsible right now. She was very upset and didn’t talk to me for about a week. Eventually, I agreed to meet the dog because I felt pressured, but also because I wanted to make her happy.
Part of why I agreed was because we made an agreement: if we kept the dog, she would take main responsibility for the dog and also start following a healthier routine, like working out, eating better, cooking more, and taking better care of herself. I know that may sound bad, but I wasn’t trying to control her or make her “earn” the dog. I usually do the cooking and cleaning, and I’ve been worried about her health because she often eats mostly packaged snacks, ramen, beef sticks, Rice Krispies, etc. Her mom has colon cancer, so I worry about her ignoring her health.
To be fair, she has been trying to follow the schedule since we got the dog. But now that the dog is actually here, I feel like I made a mistake. The dog is sweet and hasn’t done anything wrong. I just don’t think we can responsibly afford this specific breed right now, especially if medical issues come up. I’m also worried the care and costs will eventually become a shared burden we are not ready for.
I asked my wife to rehome the dog now, after only three days, rather than wait until we are more attached or financially worse off. She reluctantly agreed, but she is hurt and angry and really pissed at me (obviously). I understand why. I know I should have stood firm before the dog came home instead of agreeing and then changing my mind after.
I don’t hate the dog, and I’m not against us having a dog someday. I just think this dog, this breed, and this timing are not financially responsible for us.
AITA?
TL;DR: My wife and I have around $100k in debt. She wanted an English bulldog, which I worried we couldn’t afford because of the breed’s health risks and our apartment situation. I eventually agreed under pressure and after making an agreement about dog care and healthier routines, but after three days I realized I still don’t think we can responsibly keep the dog. My wife is hurt and angry, and I feel terrible. AITA for asking to rehome the dog?
Edit/update: A few clarifications after reading the comments.
My wife does work and agreed to pay for a lot of the dog’s expenses. We also have pet insurance through my work. But even if she covers most of the dog costs, she would barely have money left over afterward. My thinking was that while we are in this much debt, every spare dollar either of us has should go toward paying it down or building stability.
So my concern is not just “can we technically pay for the dog month to month?” It’s that keeping the dog would significantly slow down our debt payoff and leave us with less room for emergencies, especially with a breed that can have expensive health issues.
I also realize the health/lifestyle agreement was a mistake to connect to the dog. I was worried about my wife taking care of herself and thought a schedule might help, but I understand now that getting a dog does not fix someone’s routine, diet, or lifestyle. Those are separate issues, and I should not have mixed them together.
I accept that I handled this badly. I should not have agreed to get the dog if I was still this uncomfortable. My concerns about money and the breed may be valid, but agreeing and then backtracking after three days was unfair to my wife and the dog.