Going out of my mind
I feel like I’m losing my mind lately, I’m single 35f living alone, I have a good job so it’s golden handcuffs to an extent because the pay and compensation package is very good but I’m absolutely miserable. People always tell me it’s not worth being miserable, but I have left my career before to go into a lesser paid position with more flexibility, and have been more miserable trying to support myself on less money. I’m not on amazing money but it is good and comfortable. My friends are all having babies and getting married and building houses, and I’m just about getting by with the bills and my fitness. It’s so hard to meet somebody and find a partner, especially with my work. I don’t know what to do because on one hand I should feel so grateful for the good paid job I have, but my life is so vacuous and empty. I come home every evening ready for bed and TV and dinner just to repeat it all again…. I have such a strong urge to destroy my life. Can I live an alternative life? Where can I meet people, even friendships in mid 30s? What can I do? I want to start all over again. I wish I did something I loved. I wish I had people I loved - like a good partner or a family of my own. Anyone else feel like this?! I feel like we’re becoming so disconnected and busy all the time.
Edit: I need to add this to say that I do have hobbies and i do things in the evening, I love to paint which is already a very isolated hobby but I do it for myself. After that, I tried to remain fit so some evenings a week are either running or some kind of gym class. I also go to the cinema quite a lot by myself. I enjoy all these things, but I guess what I’m trying to say is the loneliness and lack of certainty over my future is caving in on me. My work is meaningless and every day is Groundhog Day. And honestly recently, maybe it’s the change of season but I haven’t got the energy or motivation to leave the house in the evenings. The dates I go on amount of nothing but wasted time and money.