Walrus wants to be in love
During the day, I’m pretty happy being alone. I do my work (as much as my ADHD meds let me do, anyway), I exist, and it’s ok.
But when I get the walrus involved, like now, I just want to get married again. I miss the experience of having someone with me. Someone to cook for. Someone to go to the grocery store with me. I miss having a geeky boy, my favorite was software devs or someone smart with a passion. I have my little boy half the time, and that helps, but there’s something about having someone my age to give me a reason to go out and do things. To do things for.
So sometimes the walrus will sign up for some app, but honestly I got married before apps and I don’t know how to deal with that much male attention. Why are they all holding fish and wearing hats? Just give me a nice boy. One that won’t turn evil eventually and hurt me. A comrade in life. We can watch Kitchen Nightmares together and fall asleep.
I’m in my 40s now and look pretty ok because I’ve never had a job that required going outside. But I totally revel in my nightly walrus and refuse to apologize for putting the TV remote in the freezer sometimes. Besides, walrus equals uninhibited adult fun time, and the TV remote is just a causality for that. Good trade-off, I think.
Meanwhile walrus does want to text an ex, but boy howdy is that a bad idea. Why won’t the walrus also be ok being alone without searching for some hot midwestern dude bod? Why can’t it be ok with dying alone? Being alone isn’t that bad. Regular dudes judge me for waiting happily until it can be walrus time again.
Does anyone else kind of feel like this? It doesn’t help that I sound like an idiot when I have Ambien on board and forget the heck out of why I liked a person or can’t remember a conversation I have after 10 p.m. Am I normal or am I doomed?
Also I kind of envy those of you who get to take bonus Ambien though I do not miss that life. About ten years ago, before my kid, I reposed so hard I went to Texas. I don’t remember it, I just found my boarding pass later. What did I do? No idea. I know I didn’t get an STD and I’m pretty sure I did not sleep with anyone, and I have one picture of what I presume was Austin in my phone. So now I comfort myself in life with my singular dose a night, which is boring but ultimately the safest thing.