difficulty breaking up with poly partner
Hi, after my partner tried drag me into a poly relationship, and after a few sessions of couples therapy, I decided to end things in the most respectful way that I can.
I talk to my partner on how we want different things from a relationship, and that our wants are incompatible, at least right now.
I want more security and accountabily, she wants space to figure herself out, because she feels she "lived for this relationship" for the past 3 years. Part of her proposing poly it's because it's something she feels is essential to her.
And that's fine, it absolutely is.
But when I talk about breaking up, she asks why, and says we can find a middle ground between things.
Just for context: She brought up poly already developing a connection with someone, I made clear my uneasiness with it, she downplayed saying she was "trying to figure out" what she wanted with this other person. After checking her phone (which is wrong) I found some pictures of them kissing and cuddling, which led to a huge fight and our first break up, but we reconciled soon.
But in couples therapy, I'm finding that things simply don't add up, that she acted based on things that I didn't expressed, and the boundaries that I made clear were worthless because she "tought I changed" my views.
This is making me reevaluate the whole relationship, all 4 years of it, because I thought we had a strong communication and basis for respect, which I'm realizing is not the case. She says we're "starting a new relationship", but it just sounds like she wants to move on quickly, without ever realizing the depth of what she did.
Sorry, I'm rambling, when I write I start to see thing clearly.
The point is, I'm trying to break up respectfully. We had a great time together, and I don't want to go out calling her a liar or anything like that. She keeps hanging on and I don't know what to do