u/Unhappy_Fly7087

Why can’t I express how I feel. ! I thought this is a safe place to let it all out.

Not like I haven’t tried but it’s not working. Fuck my life! I know people will say life is precious, yeah if you have something or someone to live for, but when that’s gone, there’s next to nothing to live for. So why bother existing in a world that you don’t want to be in?
All you want is to be with the one that was taken away from you? Everything around you doesn’t matter anymore and all you have left is living in a world that has no color in it.

How did it go from an awesome life to a miserable existence. Why was he selected to go and why was I left behind! I’m still trying to figure this out every single day. Not a day goes by that my mind just keeps on repeating the same thing over and over. It just won’t stop. And I keep on asking myself when my heartbeat will stop beating. When will I be able to reunite with my love on the other side.

I do know what the answer is but just throwing out there. If one doesn’t really want to continue life with this pain, they’ll do what they can to end it. It’ll be a long way to go but I can’t find or get access to a shortcut. I loved life with my husband, but there is nothing left.

Can someone please tell me what they’ve done to survive this? I can’t stop myself from going deeper into the rabbit hole! I hate my life without my husband and hoping daily that my life will end soon. I am really hopeless. I just want my old life back but that will never happen and I’m just living in a never ending nightmare. Don’t even know what my reality is or maybe I don’t want to accept this new pathetic reality that I’ve been thrown into.

I don’t understand why I’m still here after all the things I’ve done. Why am I still standing when I don’t want to be. Why is life so cruel!

It’s been 4 years since my love left this world, and nothing has been the same. I hate my new life ever since he’s been gone, but I can’t do anything about it. I can’t change what has happened but I can change my life. I am in control of it. Like it or not, I will get to where he’s at sooner than later. We all get our choice right? Please don’t judge me. I just want my love back and our life as it was before. 😢

I don’t understand why my husband had to be the first one to go when he was the best person I’ve ever known. Of all people, family or not, why the fuck was he taken from me so soon? We were supposed to grow old together. Now every day I’m just waiting for death to take me. Hopefully that day will come soon. If you can go on, koodos to you. I don’t know how much I can take this.

I don’t think so. It’s not happening in my little world. I’m still missing my husband badly and I can’t wait to go. Will my time end any time soon? I sure hope so. No one will talk to me anymore, I’m too depressed and that’s ok. I’m used to it. I just want my love back. That’s all I ever wanted and needed. I’m just biding my time. Slowly but surely I’ll get to be where he’s at.