Tired of disappointment with dating and looking for insight
I’m struggling with how much this hurts after years of dating disappointment. I am getting older and I just want to settle down.. experience genuine love. I’m feeling incredibly discourage and sad.
This is long 😅 thanks for reading haha
I’m in my mid-30s (lesbian) and have been single for about 10 years. I’ve had a lot of experiences where I really liked someone, only for things to end because they liked someone else, weren’t over an ex, or just weren’t in the same place emotionally. I’ve always respected that and let people go when they didn’t choose me.
Recently, I met someone I genuinely really liked. We were seeing each other a little over 2 months, and I finally let myself get excited about someone again. I could actually see the potential for something serious. I was so excited. Everything was going so well.
Then I made a communication mistake.
The situation was involving a mutual friend who we met through from a dinner. She had a conversation with the woman I was dating about the friend I was visiting, and I wasn’t there. Their accounts of that conversation didn’t completely line up. According to the woman I was dating; our mutual friend brought it up Expressing that “do you know who’s she visiting?” and “there are somethings you should know and I wouldn’t be okay with” etc. making it seem as if I was hiding something. This happened after she expressed how excited she was about us. I’m really struggling with the two different stories that I was told? It’s all been very confusing and hurtful. My friend said that the woman I was dating is lying about what happened said that conversation didn’t go like that at all then switched it up, and said the conversation was close. Before all this, my friend never said anything really positive about the woman I was dating (amongst other weird things) which I found strange but, I just ignored it.
I had previously told the woman I was dating that I had a close friend I’d had romantic history with. My friend and I briefly dated 4-5 months almost 5 years ago. (talking stage) What I failed to communicate was that the friend I was visiting was that same person. In my mind, the history is old and the friendship is completely platonic, so I genuinely didn’t think I was hiding anything nor did it even occur to me to put 2 and 2 together before I visited my friend and her girlfriend. But I understand why it hurt her, especially because of something similar she’d experienced in the past. While I was there, I was actively texting her while there, sending photos etc. I even wanted my friend and her girlfriend to meet her (they were so excited for me and wanted to meet her to) that I suggested we all FaceTime before I left to visit my friend :( that never happened. I wasn’t trying to deceive her. I wasn’t secretly pursuing this other person. I wasn’t choosing my friend over her. I wasn’t living some double life.
She ultimately told me that even though she really liked me, she didn’t want to continue dating me. I respect her decision and understand but I’m just really sad, man.
And it hurts that something I genuinely experienced as a communication mistake had such a huge consequence?
I think I’m grieving more than just her. I’m grieving 10 years of things not working out.
I’m tired of hearing “the right person will come when you least expect it.” I don’t want another cliché. I just want to know what it’s like for something to finally work. I’m just feeling really bummed and struggling to process this all.
EDIT - to clarify we were not in a relationship just in the talking stage but we were only seeing each other and it was on the road to being serious