u/Unique-Pound4891

Hi everyone , finally after multiple attempts I decide to finish this thing which has destroyed my life for 10+ years , I started gambling at 16 and I’m now 26.
First years were small bets and bank control but last 5 years it was literally rolercoaster for my life. I am tired of all this lies which I was making with my family,partner and friends. I got caught by the family or partner several times. Tried church , blocking myself but nothing works , It was working for maximum for 1 week and whenever I had money I would start playing low stakes and in a maximum hour I would end up losing everything.

Finally I joined GA and I feel really relaxed, I just had 2 sessions and I really like. I don’t wanna fell down my fellowship. I am happy to speak about my addiction finally and don’t hide any details. I really wanna attend all the times and read and follow all the materials and people also!

My 5 years of partner has fully lost trust in me and doesn’t believe that it will help me. Please advise how to regain the trust. I know that it’s not possible to get trust back in one week , even though it’s funny that I had just two sessions 😬 but I am really motivated and I will always say MY LAST BRT DATE.

I’m 26 years old, gambling has beend part of my life since maybe 17. It all started with playing online poker , then one day I got just bored and told myself who not try slots. THIS WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. First session and boom jackpot and I continued winning for several days , I got addicted to the slots machines , and I used to say for myself that oh everything is in hands and is okay. Years passed years and this disaster still follows me. I used to hae 20k debt but somehow from previous work I managed to clear all my debts. Now I am debt free but here another case goes - whenever I am receiving salary I tell myself no I am not going to gamble this month but I start with 20 eur session - lose it in seconds and in maybe 2/3 hours whole my salary is gone. I can’t take it anymore, I am all stressed, unhappy, idk.

Family wasn’t checking my banck accounts when I was in early 20s but year ago my mom got fed up because I was having good joob and was still asking her and dad money after a week of payment. I hid it several times , as she knew I wasn’t good with money she was saving it for me for upcoming trip with my girlfriend. After the salary I used to gave her some amount for that savings , 2 days before the trip and flight I demand my mom to gave me trip savings becausse in a new country it was better to have money in card and not in cash … I hate myself for that , I don’t know why I did something like that and on that night I lost 800$ which was my trip money and in the morning when she went to the work I got into her room and I found where was savings and I lost another 1900$ in the hope that I would get back that 800$. Hour before trip I told my mom about that , I was in shock , devastated she got shocked, cried but still fogave me and gave me 800$ and I promised that I won’t gamble. Trip went good , and after 3 months she caught me again in gambling and set down with me - took me to church , to the gym and she supports me still.

Once I lied to my girlfriend that I was going to doctor and with de doctors money I gambled, hid it but she still found out. I was laying her about my savings and I was always increasing savings , and was telling her different numbers. She’s really good with money and numbers and got me caught up, I started blaming her and she told me you have this night to think about everything.. next morning I went to her and told all the truth that I was a liar and told her exact my savings. After that I made promise whenever I have the feeling for the gamble to tell her , it went good for 1-2 weeks but as soon as I got money I hid again and gambled. Somehow I got that she couldn’t find out. We just had an amazing trip to Italy , I was thinking ooh life is beautiful I am going to save more . But insteas 3 days Ago I received salry for the new job , she is unemployed right now , I took her to shopping, I bought also for myself things and I told her that with other funds I will spent for the whole month for the food , gas , etc. Guys she has forgiven me minimum 3 times I am in love with her and also she is in love with me for almost 5 years and I am in a situation that I have only 50$ left , I can’t talk to my mom , I am afraid of tell her everything that she will end everything. I can’t take it anymore. I really want to become normal person with money.. sometimes I think to disappear from everything and end my life. Thanks for listening