Misty
I hope this isn't too long a story. It's just a memory I want to keep alive somehow.
Let me tell you about a girl called Misty
I want to take the time to talk about a dear friend I had a long time ago. I don't have a lot of regrets in life, but this is one of them: the 20+ year loss of this person.
If anyone knows me well, you probably know I never really knew how to make friends as a kid. Too shy, too in my own world, I don't know. Something I didn't really get a handle on until adulthood, and honestly still work on. So unless somebody forced a friendship on me, I was pretty inept lmao.
But I remember the first time somebody really seemed to want to be my friend.
I was outside playing by myself, like usual. A kid named Christian came up first, kind of a show-off type, but I liked him. He was trying to impress this girl who'd wandered over too. Freckles, reddish-brown hair, I think. She wasn't having his act at all and said something like "I like Nathan because he doesn't try so hard." I didn't get it then. Still don't lol.
But she decided we were friends, so we were friends, just like that.
he liked to be called Misty. Her real name was Jade, or Jaden, something like that. She just didn't like her name.
Don't you miss when it was that easy? Want to be friends, so you are?
If I was outside, it usually wasn't long that she was with me. We'd just explore, talk, walk around. She was troubled, I think. I honestly can't remember the details anymore. I was troubled too, I just thought it was normal at the time.
When I started at Elizabeth Vaughan Elementary (2004-05), she was there too, and there were enough kids for two buses. I got assigned to a different one than her. She wasn't having that either, and somehow got herself reassigned so we could sit together every day. I loved that, but never told her.
She used to draw my name in hearts on the sidewalk, perhaps to annoy me, and I acted annoyed about it, but secretly I thought it was super sweet.
She was the kindest, most well-mannered kid who'd ever just insisted on being my friend. Before her and after her, I never had anyone like that unless I fought for it myself. She wasn't just one little ray of sunshine to me. She was a whole week of it, in the middle of years of dark.
At some point life got scary at home, and I started withdrawing from everyone, her included. I remember one day walking with her, she gave me a light, playful smack and said "shh, my dad is coming," and I stormed off like a child. Well, I was a child lol. But I saw her face. She looked surprised. Hurt. I'm sorry, Misty. Truly.
When I found out I was moving to Hawaii, I told her. I can't remember her reaction, but I think she was sad. I gave her one of my pets before I left, a hermit crab named Shelly. She had to convince her parents to let her keep him, and she did, because she was smart like that and always found a way. I told her Shelly wasn't my favorite. That was a lie. He was my favorite. I gave him to her because he was.
On the last day, I passed her on the stairs with my mother and stepfather. I was scared to talk in front of them, so I didn't say anything to her at all, until my mother scolded me "aren't you gonna say bye?!" So I did. Quick. Curt. And that was it. That's the regret. Not hugging her. Not telling her she was my best friend. Not opening any way to stay in touch. I didn't have the skills or the courage for any of that at 12.
I just left the best friend I'd ever had and I knew it, but didn't know how to handle it.
In Hawaii, I started to realize how much I missed her, more than I expected. I wrote her letters, told her about my life, asked about Shelly and her life. They came back. Wrong apartment number.
The next summer, I begged my grandmother to take me to the old neighborhood. I knocked and knocked. A kid I didn't know answered and said, "sorry, I think they moved." Absolute gut punch.
I walked down the stairs, crying. Another kid asked what was wrong. I told them, and they said they went maybe to Fredericksburg, or Stafford. IDR.
It's been 20 years now. I've wondered about her at least once a year since, sometimes for weeks at a time. I've lived a whole life since then, pursuing music, love, faith, all of it. But lately, this last year especially, I think about her more, so I've started really looking. I know there's a good chance she's not looking for this, and has no interest in reconnecting with a kid from 2005. I accept that. I don't want anything from her. I just want her to know I'm grateful.
She's probably the reason I care so much about good manners, and why I still try to walk up to strangers and just be their friend, even though it's rare for me. Twenty years later, I think she quietly changed the trajectory of my life simply by being loving.
Misty, if you're out there: I never forgot you. I cared for you more than I ever showed. I loved my friend. I was too young for it to be anything more, but old enough to know what it was. I still miss you. I hope, before it's too late, I get to tell you that myself.